Von: Michael Marsden Michael.Marsden%newcastle.ac.uk @ SUB (Mo, 08.07.91 07:12) - aus alt.auicide.holiday (Usenet) - SUICIDE - Methods 1. HANGING 2 methods 1. asphyxiation (dangle on end of rope for 10 minutes) Time: 5 to 10 minutes Available: Rope, solid support 10 foot above ground Certainty: Fairly certain (discovery, rope/support snapping) Notes: Brain damage likely if rescued. Very painful depending on rope. Most common EFFECTIVE form of suicide. See later "Asphyxiation" section. Someone did this about 10 meters from where I was sleeping once. Worked perfectly. 2. breaking neck Time: Should be instant if it does break. See previous if not Available: Rope, solid support, 10 foot space below, several above Certainty: Very certain if the rope/support doesn't break Notes: Minimal danger of discovery (depends on location). Painless if you drop far enough (8 foot is optimum). Make sure that the rope is tied securely to something STRONG!! It has to support your weight MULTIPLIED by the force of the drop (in g). Use a hangman's knot (with the knot at the back of your neck). 2. POISON Availability of effective poisons restricted. Normally painless, but depends on drug. Large danger of discovery because slow. Available compounds dangerous, have side effect if survived. Fairly common, usually ineffective (depends on drug, dose and luck). Takes from 10 seconds to fortnight or more. In general, you need to stay away from medical help until you actually die, but there are exceptions to this (that have been pointed out in the text). Common drugs: Cyanide (HCN?) Dosage: 50 mg Hydrogen Cyanide gas, 200-300 mg Cyanide salts Time: seconds for HC, minutes Cs (empty stomach) hours (full s) Available: very difficult to get hold of Certainty: very certain Notes: It helps to have an empty stomach (since the salts react with the stomach acids to form H.C.). A full stomach can delay death for up to four hours with the salts. Antidotes to cyanide poisoning exist, but they have serious side effects (they precipitate cyanide and similarly shaped molecules from the blood stream. This frequently blocks blood supply into toes, ears... so you could lose one or two if you are "rescued"). What you can do, is instead of taking the salts directly, drop 500mg or so into a strong acid, and inhale the fumes. This will be pure Hydrogen Cyanide, and you should die in 10 to 20 seconds. The following is something I saw on the net: "Hydrocyanic acid is one of the most poisonous substances known; the inhalation of its fumes in high concentration will cause almost immediate death. Hydrogen cyanide acts by preventing the normal process of tissue oxidation and paralyzing the respiratory center in the brain. Most of the accidental cases are due to inhaling the fumes during a fumigating process. In the pure state it kills with great rapidity. Crystalline cyanides, such as potassium or sodium cyanide are equally poisonous, since they interact with the hydrochloric acid in the stomach to liberate hydrocyanic acid. This poison has been used for both homicide and suicide; in recent history, a number of European Political figures carried vials of cyanide salt for emergency self-destruction aand some used them. Death resulted from amounts of only a fraction of a gram. A concentration of 1 part in 500 of hydrogen cyanide gas is fatal. Allowable working concen- tration in most of the United States is 20 ppm. Two and one-half grains of liquid acid has killed. The acid acts fatally in about 15 minutes. The cyanide salts kill in several hours. The average dose of the solution is 0.1 cc. Since this is an extremely rapid poison, rapid action is necessary. Occasionally the victim may make a few voluntary actions before death results or alarming symptoms set in. Death results from paralysis of the respiration. When a smaller dose is taken the symptoms are diziness, headache, and shortness of breath followed by convulsions, coma, and collapse. If amyl nitrate is available, have the victim inhale it immediately for 20 seconds. Have the victim swallow 2 tablespoonfuls of hydrogen peroxide. Have the victim inhale ammonia. Administer oxygen." [ed - cure sounds pretty bad.. drink bleach?? yuk] Aspirin (acetylsalicylic acid?) Dosage: 20-30+ grammes (too many cause vomitting) Time: hours to days, variable Available: easy to get hold of (get soluble ones, & dissolve them) Certainty: unreliable Notes: Not recommended, fatal dose varies wildly, could cause liver & kidney damage instead of death. OD causes strange noises in your ears (like a video arcade) & projectile vomiting after about 10 hours. Medical help generally effective, so stay out of hospital for a couple of days. May cause bleeding in your stomach/upper intestines. Take with sodium bicarbinate (eg, bicarb. of soda), which speeds up the absorbtion (sp?) significantly. Paracetamol (aka acet[a|yl]minopren / tylenol) Dosage: 15+ grammes, 20+ is better Time: 10 hours fatal damage, but 2 weeks to actually die Available: easy to get hold of Certainty: fairly reliable Notes: Once 10-12 hours is up, you've had it, but you still live for a week or two after that. Probably better to wait 15 hours just to make sure. Horrible side effects during this time (some of which are: acute toxic hepatitis, renal failure, cerebral oedema, intra-abdominal bleeding, aspiration pneumonia, haemophilia). Too small dose causes severe liver damage. Accidental deaths are very common. Sleeping tablets (don't know what kinds) Dosage: 50+??? Time: unconsious in minutes, coma for hours or day, death day or two. May survive coma. Available: needs to be prescribed (in UK at any rate) Certainty: semi-reliable, need to get dosage right very reliable with plastic bag and rubber band Notes: I don't have enough information about these. Combine with an airtight plastic bag, and a rubber band to get a very effective method. Also combine with half a bottle of whisky, it helps. May be quicker if you open up the capsules, and dissolve the contents in water. May also mean that you won't puke and lose the drug. One of the teachers at my old school used barbiturates & alcohol, they found her body in the morning. Alcohol (spirits preferably, your choice) Dosage: 1/2 litre vodka?, similar. Varies from person to person. Time: about 8 hours Available: good Certainty: unreliable Notes: will cause liver and kidney damage if 'rescued' before death. Drink it all at the same time, quickly as possible. Dosage is questionable, I don't have any figures. Taking the spirits as an enema is supposed to be a very quick way of absorbing alcohol, but a less unpleasant way is to inject it. The dosage it takes to kill you depends on whether you drink normally, the state of your liver, whether you pass out on your back or not (and probably also the phase of the moon!). The following is from sci.med (on USENET): "The fatal dose of pure alcohol in an average adult is 300-400 mL (750-1000 mL of 40% alcohol) if consumed in less than one hour. Apart from the effects of overdosage, death after alcohol consumption can occur as a result of choking on vomit while unconscious. I don't believe any permanent damage occured in the above case [ed - the poster was talking about a specific case of a single very heavy drinking session]. Consequences such as liver damage occur after chronic consumption." Water Dosage: gallons of the stuff (14 litres mentioned) Time: 12 hours or so? Available: always available unless you're in Kuwait. Certainty: so-so (not certain about this) Notes: works by washing out the salts in your body, until the cells fail (osmotic balance buggered up). You need to keep drinking continually until you collapse. Unusual method. Someone suggested it would also cause cramps. The following is something from A.S.H., Dec. 1990. "About a year ago a local newspaper carried a story about a woman who had drunk herself to death. Apparently she had injested something mildly poisonous, and when she called her doctor asking him what to do, he told her to drink lots of water and see him in the morning. She got to it and managed to drink no less than 14 litres of water before the osmotic balance in her body was so upset it could no longer function and she died (don't know how quickly)". Bleach and other corrosives Dosage: A bottle (litre or half litre) Time: Hours/days Available: Easily available Certainty: Uncertain Notes: Bloody painful - depends on your stomach getting corroded, the stomach acids escaping, and doing their dirty work in your vital organs. Not really my cup of tea... Insulin (injected) Dosage: No idea Time: Probably quite quickly into coma Available: Difficult to get hold of unless you're a diabetic or a vet Certainty: Very certain if dose is high enough & not discovered Notes: Supposed to be quite pleasant (eg insulin shock treatments used for some psychiatric condition). Petrol (in lungs/injected) Dosage: "A Thimble-full" -20 ml? Time: Seconds/minutes Available: Common Certainty: I'm not sure of the dosage, but fairly certain if correct Notes: Can also use LPG (propane/butane) on skin surface (since these are light enough to go through the skin). Stick your hand in a bucket of propane and see how many seconds you last... Oil of Wintergreen/Methyl Salicylate (in lungs/injected) Dosage: Probably similar to petrol (20 ml) Time: Don't know Available: Not available in concentration Certainty: Don't know Notes: Don't have enough information on this one to be able to say anything about it. Carbon Monoxide Dosage: 5% concentration or so? Time: Minutes to hours depending on concentration Available: You get it out of a car exhaust, you used to be able to use "town gas" (eg, stick your head in the cooker) but this is no longer available Certainty: Fairly certain, as long as you aren't "rescued" Notes: Causes brain damage. Malathon (insecticide) Dosage: A bottle (?) Time: 2 to 3 hours Available: From a large garden centre or DIY shop Certainty: probable, given correct dosage Notes: Drink undiluted, shake bottle first since it settles. it causes diarhoea after about half an hour. Caffiene Dosage: 20 grammes Time: not known Available: Caffiene tablets available in Chemist shops Certainty: don't know Notes: I don't know very much about this. Nitrogen gas (or other inert gas) Dosage: Several litres uncompressed is minimum Time: Minutes Available: Try plumber, or welding supplies company Certainty: Certain Notes: This is really a form of asphyxiation, (see later), but is particularly good since you don't experience the lack of oxygen (what people really experience is the EXCESS of carbon dioxide). Potassium Chloride (injected in solution) / KCl Dosage: not known (try 20cc injection of strong solution) Time: Seconds to minutes Available: Widely available Certainty: Certain given correct dosage Notes: Causes heart attack (which is painful). May be difficult for coroner to realise it was suicide rather than a natural heart attack. An excess of K+ in the blood interferes with nerve signals, and stops muscles and nerves from working. So when it reaches your heart, the heart stops. Interesting to see what happens if you inject it into your carotid artery, if it stops nervous tissue from working. Rat poison (Warfarin) Dosage: not known Time: Hours to terminal damage, days to actual death Available: Available Certainty: Certain given suffient dosage Notes: This is one of the truly unpleasant poisons, along with Paracetamol/Acetylminopren. I think it causes cerebral haemorage (rat poison works by giving the unfortunate rat haemophillia). Doctors can't do anything about it, they just leave you to die in agony on an intensive care ward. Chlorine gas Dosage: not known - but probably sufficient generated in suggested method Time: not known Available: Get about 4 litres of concentrated bleach, and the same of ammonia Certainty: Good Notes: This was used in the first world war in the trenches, so it's got to be effective. You go into a small room, block off all the ventilation, and pour the bleach and ammonia into a bucket. This produces chlorine, you breath it in, and hey presto! I suspect that this is quite painful, if you are "rescued" there is a danger of either lung damage, or a slow lingering death. Digitalis (Foxglove extract?) Dosage: not known Time: Probably minutes Available: Do foxgloves grow in your area? Certainty: probably good given sufficient dosage Notes: Gives you a heart-attack. UNDETECTABLE after death, so if you don't want to let your friends/relatives to know that your death was a suicide use this. I don't know how to extract digitalis from foxglove, nor do I know what the dosage is. Heart attacks are painful, but the advantages in using an undetectable method make this very attractive. Colchicine (Acetyltrimethylcolchicinic acid) Dosage: 7 mg to 60 mg Time: symptoms in about 4 hours, death in about 4 days Available: Easily available (from large garden centre) Certainty: certain Notes: From the Autumn crocus (Colchicum Autumnale) / royal lily (Gloriosa Superba). One flower of CA is about 12 mg, so take at least five of them. 20g tuber of GS provides 60mg, single seed of CA provides 3.5mg (so take 18). Damages blood vessels and nerves, and stops cell division. Don't know whether its painful or not, but that bit about damaging nerves is worrying. Best thing about this one is the name of the acid! Nicotine (yep - distilled fags!) Dosage: extract from 100g tabacco (possibly 150mg pure) Time: not known (possibly several seconds for 150mg pure) Available: Easily available Certainty: not known Notes: Soak 100 grammes of tabacco for a few days. You get a brown mess. Strain off the tabacco, then simmer slowly until most of the liquid has gone, leaving about 2 teaspoons of brown treacle-like stuff. Add it to your night-time drink, and never wake up. Someone said the other day that 150mg of pure nicotine would be fatal in seconds. Hydrazine Dosage: As produced by reaction Time: Not known, fortnight? Available: Bottle of bleach & bottle of ammonia Certainty: not known Notes: Something quoted verbatim from the net: "This is no joke, Dale. Several years ago at my high school, one of the janitors innocently mixed together half a bottle of bleach with half a bottle of of ammonia in a small closet where the cleaning fluids were kept. He passed out due to the hydrazine (not chlorine) gas released in the reaction between the two chemicals. This man was in agony for two weeks in an intensive care unit in a local hospital with the majority of the inside surface of his lungs damaged and untreatable before he got lucky and died." [ed - one of the more nasty methods] Cocaine Dosage: 1 ounce (don't know what that is in real weights..) Time: 2 to 3 hours? Available: Difficult Certainty: not known Notes: Read something in a newspaper... a coke dealer died after eating an ounce of it, when the police raided his house. Cause of death was a cardiac arrest 2 1/2 hours after the overdose. 3. JUMPING OFF BUILDINGS Time: Instantanious if you are lucky, minutes/hours otherwise Available: You need ten stories or higher, and access to the top floor windows/roof. Bring a bolt cutter to get onto the roof Certainty: 90% for 6 stories, increasing after that Notes: Difficult to overcome fear of heights, many people can't do it. Totally painless if high enough, but very frightening. Easily discovered if seen on/near roof/windows. Access fairly easy in a city, otherwise difficult. Risk of spending the rest of your life in a wheelchair. Ever tried killing yourself if you are paralysed from the neck down? Email conversations suggest 10+ stories works ALMOST all of the time. Try to land on concrete. Quote - "9 out of 10 people who fall 6 stories will die" 4. SLITTING WRISTS OR OTHER (pathetic) Time: Minutes if major artery cut, eternity otherwise Available: You really need a razor sharp knife. Razors are pretty tricky to hold when they are covered with blood Certainty: Uncertain if you cut an artery, highly improbable otherwise Notes: Painful at first. Danger of discovery. This is a very common suicide 'gesture' and hardly ever results in anything other than a scar. A lot of will power required to cut deeply into groin or carotid arteries, which are the only ones likely to kill you. Don't bother with this method. Cutting your throat is difficult due to the fact that the carotid arteries are protected by your windpipe (feel where your arteries are with your fingertips, & slice from the side). I've seen photos of people who have used this method - the depth of the cut required is amazing. If you want to cut your wrists, cut along the blue line (vein) on the underside of your wrist, but cut deeply so that the artery underneath is exposed. Cut this lengthways with a razor or similar. 5. BULLET Time: Microseconds unless you are unlucky (mins/hours) Available: Difficult in UK, easier in USA (get a shotgun) Certainty: Certain Notes: Painless if worked, otherwise painful & brain damage. Danger of discovery of weapon or ammunition. Not at all common in UK, more common in USA where guns available. Brain damage & other effects if you survive. Death either instantaneous, or prolonged. Lots of will power needed to fire gun ('hesitation marks' are bullets/pellets embedded in the wall, when you jerk the gun as you fire). Bullet can miss vital parts in skull, deflect off skull. NOTE, fill mouth with water, aim about 45 degrees from vertical, this is reliable* since shockwave from water will kill instantly. *NOTE, several people have suggested that this is unreliable. See "Shotgun" below (since much more effective). Ammunition to use is: .458 Winchester Magnum, or soft-point slugs with .44 Magnum. Also you could use a sabot round, which is a plastic wedge with a smaller thing in it. These rounds are rather overkill, the phrase "elephant gun" has been used about the .458 Winchester, but if you're going to go, do it with a bang 6. ASPHYXIATION Time: 5 mins to unconciousness, 10+ mins to brain death Available: Anywhere there's a rope and something solid to tie it to Certainty: Certain, if yoou don't get "rescued" Notes: Panic reaction is very likely (unless inert gasses used). One of the most effective and most used methods of suicide. Probable brain damage if you are "rescued". NOTE, this can only really be done in two ways: firstly, when you are unconsious (eg, sleeping pills), or secondly, by hanging. Combining with pure inert gasses is a very good suggestion. See "Nitrogen" in the poisons section 7. AIR IN VEINS (basically just a myth) Time: Eternity Available: Plenty of air about... Need a hypodermic & syringe Certainty: Almost zero (you might catch something from the needle) Notes: This doesn't work, unless you inject absolutely massive amounts of air (it all goes out of the lungs). Myth caused by the way that doctors squirt a syringe before using it to get rid of contaminants. If you have to try it, go for the carotid artery, since this goes to the brain. If you want a heart attack, you will have to inject something on the order of 20-50ml every heart-beat (these are ball-park figures) for several heart beats. Good luck 8. DECAPITATION Time: Couple of seconds before conciousness fades Available: Happen to have a train line nearby? Or a guillotine perhaps? Certainty: Very certain, unless you pull away just before Notes: See "jumping in front of trains". May be difficult to stop pulling your head out of the way - OD on sleeping tablets first 9. DISEMBOWELMENT (aka seppuku/hara kiri) Time: Minutes Available: Got a nice razor-sharp sword? Certainty: Fairly certain, assuming that you managed to gut yourself properly before passing out with the agony Notes: Painful, even the Samurai used a 'second' to decapitate them at the appropriate point, so don't expect to do much more than give yourself peritonitis. Trendy for insane martial arts fanatics and gay Japanese poets called Mishima. 10. DROWNING Time: Minutes (usually 5 mins, but up to 20 mins in cold water) Available: Anywhere there's deep water in a remote spot Certainty: Good, just make sure you sink & can't swim Notes: Put stones in your pockets, tie your legs & hands together, and hop into the lake.. bit of a shock to the fisherman who finds your rotting corpse stuck in his brand new net. 11. ELECTROCUTION Time: Seconds / minutes Available: Anywhere with high-tension, high-current lines & a good earth Certainty: Somewhat dependant on luck & how much power goes through you Notes: Don't bother with 110 or 240 volt mains, its just not enough. Some people do get killed with household electricity, but only after several minutes. Use high tension lines, stand in bare feet on waterlogged ground (better still, but a piece of THICK copper cable into the nearest river). Works best if current path travels through your head, or through the heart. Just burns you badly otherwise. 12. EXPLOSIVES Time: 10 milliseconds, or similar (!) Available: Difficult to get hold of detonator & good explosives Certainty: Certain if detonator works properly Notes: DON'T USE GUNPOWDER or other 'slow' explosives (eg, homemade explosives). Use dynamite or 'Plastique', strap it to your forehead with the detonator, and BOOM! The main problem is with getting hold of high explosives (I know the recipe for Nitro-Glycerine, but home manufacture is extremely risky, and the product is unstable). If you can get a grenade, use it, it's probably the best way of doing this one. 13. FREEZING TO DEATH Time: several hours (15 minutes in very cold water) Available: Got a large chest freezer? Is the outside temp < -10 degrees? Certainty: good if you don't get found Notes: Soak your cloths in water, get into freezer / outside somewhere where you won't be found. Helps to get pissed first - drink yourself silly. If you are near a very cold supply of water (eg, the North Sea, or similar) which is close to zero degrees, this is particularly good, since the average lifespan of someone in the water is 15 minutes. 14. JUMPING IN FRONT OF TRAINS Time: Seconds (or hours if unlucky) Available: Anywhere near a HIGH-SPEED railway line Certainty: Depends on your timing & speed of train. Go for decapitation Notes: Probably better to put your neck on the line, since a glancing blow would probably break your spine (& cripple you). High speed trains need a kilometer to stop, so find a blind corner. A friend's cousin did this, worked well. 15. SELF-IMMOLATION Time: Seconds to days Available: Anywhere you can get petrol & a match Certainty: good as long as you are far away from medical help Notes: bloody painful - one of the most agonising ways to die. If you do survive, you will be disfigured for the rest of your life. Try mixing the petrol with an explosive like TNT or NG, this will make it burn MUCH quicker, even if the explosive is very dilute. My Dad worked at a dynamite factory, and knew someone who used to put TNT into his car (1 teaspoon per gallon). It burned out the engine in a couple of months. 16. STARVING TO DEATH Time: Typically a month, although depends on your health to start with, and how much fat is available Available: Anywhere where you can't be force-fed Certainty: Certain as long as you never get any medical help (this is trickier than it sounds) Notes: Supposed to be easier after the first couple of days, since your appetite goes. In a UK prison, you can't be force-fed unless you give permission first, or are diagnosed insane, but I don't know whether this is the same in other countries. Beware - relatives might give permission on your behalf if you are unconsious. 17. DRIVING INTO BRIDGE SUPPORT AT 100 MPH Time: Hopefully instantanious Available: Fast car, motorway, unprotected bridge.... Certainty: So-so, put a couple of cans of petrol on the passenger seat to make it certain, & USE YOUR SEATBELT Notes: Bridges are usually protected in the UK, don't know about USA. Avoid being thrown out of the car by using the seatbelt, and put petrol (in cans or just splashed about) near to the driver's seat just to make certain. 18. SHOTGUN Time: Instantanious if you are lucky Available: Difficult in UK, easier in USA (due to gun laws) Certainty: Fairly certain Notes: 12-gauge shotgun with 3 inch Magnum shells with #2 to #000 buckshot. See "Bullet" for other points. This is the recommended way to die by firearm. Apparently the shells suggested here are "extreme overkill", but thats the point really... 19. ENLIST (silly) Time: Jan 15 or later Available: Just pop down to the local army office & sign on as a squaddie Certainty: Be a "hero". Life expectancy in a battle is 20 minutes Notes: I don't think this is an entirely serious suggestion, particularly since only 10% ever see the front line, and only a few of those ever see combat. 20. PENCILS UP YOUR NOSE, BANG DOWN ONTO TABLE Time: Seconds or never Available: All you need is a couple of sharp pencils and a table Certainty: Very uncertain Notes: This is a myth, I think, since the pencils would go into your frontal lobes, which are basically optional! This is the legendary "exam suicide". Fine if you want a DIY frontal- lobotomy rather than death! 21. GETTING SOMEONE TO MURDER YOU Time: Depends on method used Available: Know any murderous psychopaths? No, not the tax people... Certainty: Depends on method used, & dedication of murderer Notes: Forget it. Unless you contract someone to do it, the chances are that you are going to wake up in hospital without your wallet. If you do contract someone, how are you going to pay them? Can't take them to court for running off with your money and not doing the job. 22. MAKE YOURSELF INTO AN H-BOMB (another silly one) Time: Speed of light over 1/2 metre (couple of nanoseconds) Available: Nuke (fission OR fusion), 10 litres of heavy water Certainty: 100% Notes: Drink the heavy water for several days, strap yourself to the nuke, and press the button. If you retained a couple of litres of the heavy water, the additional yield should be .02 * c^2 (joules?). The problem here is getting hold of the nuke without anyone noticing. If you are discovered before you trigger the gadget, the city authorities are liable to be somewhat irate. Also heavy water is a poison, so you might not survive that long anyway. 23. MICROMACHINES/NANOCOMPUTERS (science fiction) Time: years or a fraction of a second - depends how you look at it Available: in 50 years time? Certainty: Good assuming that the technology is developed Notes: Basically, this involves a 'replicator' panel. You program it to replicate yourself, simplifying very slightly, with the exception of the urge to use this technique. After a while, you turn into a mindless zombie, trudging around from the exit of the machine to the entrance, for eternity. Strange philosophical implications. 24. SCUBA-DIVING (various fatal 'accidents') Time: see notes -most are minutes/hours Available: scuba diving gear, nobody around Certainty: see notes Notes: The first method is to rise 30 metres or so without releasing your breath. Assuming that you can do it, it should cause your lungs to burst. The second is the bends - stay under long enough for the nitrogen to dissolve (30 metres for 30 minutes). go up rapidly without decompression time. This is unreliable, and may cause brain / joint damage. The third way is Carbon Monoxide poisoning - fill your tank with it, and stay away from other divers. You will fall asleep fairly quickly. See CO in poisons section. The final way is oxygen narcosis - however, this means that you have to go very deep with an oxygen-rich mix, and there are problems associated with that. The advantage of these methods is that insurance companies / relatives will assume that it was an accident ('misadventure'), with the possible exception of the CO poisoning. The source of this follows: (from the net) "Rising 30m without exhaling will usually result in an over pressured lung, possible subcuteaneous emphazema, collapsed lung, death usually from drowning in your own blood. Rather painful and usually curable if you are rescued, but fair chance of dying if you aren't. Building up a high residual nitrogen time (say 30m for 30 min) then coming up without decompressing will get you bent fairly nicely. You don't feel much, but your joints tend to start stiffening up after half an hour. Death is very uncertain, coming from a stroke. Brain damage, joint damage etc are most likely. Pobably can be recued but some damage certain. Oxygen poisoning, going down 50+m until the partial pressure of the oxygen reaches a toxic level. Difficult to accomplish, very painful to get down that deep, cold pressure etc, possibility of nitrogen narcosis and forgetting what you are doing. Probably get bent, good chance of rescue. CO poisoning, mix a healthy batch of carbon monoxide in your tank as you dive, you tend to go to sleep under water, when combined with the above methods you have a pretty good winner, don't forget to forget your BCD." [ed - whats a BCD?] 25. SUCKING YOUR BRAINS OUT Time: Minutes Available: You'd need a Puma (TM) robot, & some other bits Certainty: certain, given proper programming Notes: You would need an industrial robot to do this properly. Give it a saw attachment, a sucking tube attachment, and program it. Make a head restraint. When you are fixed securely into the restraint, start the robot's program. It will drill a hole in your head, and stick the tube into the hole. Program it to wiggle the tube back and forth so that it doesn't miss anything. This might work better if you put a stream of water into the hole as well, so that the sucking attachment doesn't just suck air all the time. Debugging the program could be amusing. 26. MICROWAVES Time: ? Available: Source of strong microwave emissions Certainty: ? Notes: ? 27. DEHYDRATION Time: a week or so. Available: you need to be able to stop medical help. Certainty: certain if your will-power stands up to it. Notes: Don't eat or drink. Remember that food contains a high proportion of water. Avoiding medical help can be difficult. 28. SKYDIVING 'ACCIDENT' Time: pretty damn quick. Available: need to join a skydiving club. Certainty: certain. Notes: Join a skydiving club, continue to practise it for a while to clear off all suspicions and then once pack your parachute in a real mess (preferably knotted up, but not too clearly) and then jump. The para will not open and you will reach a terminal velocity of 220 km/h (160 mph/120 kn). Death is instant in the impact with the Planet Earth. This has the advantages of being 'accidental', and your family/ friends do not have the additional pain and guilt associated with suicides. 29. DEATH BY A THOUSAND CUTS; MODERN VERSION Time: variable Available: a heck of a lot of razor-wire.. maybe a high-voltage supply Certainty: not very good Notes: This is a modern variant of the Arabic 'Death of a thousand cuts'. Basically, jump onto a stack of unravelled razor wire, and roll around till you die.. it may help to connect a high- voltage, low current power supply to the wire, so that you have spasms, which should keep you getting cut even when you are unconscious. Also, you should make sure that you can't roll off the wire. 30. CRUSHING Time: seconds to minutes, depends on car press Available: a car press.. any good junkyard Certainty: certain as long as you can't escape Notes: This is an elegantly simple one.. get into a car, in a car press, and shortly afterwards be squashed to death as your body is converted into a red pulp. It may be tricky getting the press to trigger, but if you hide in the car someone may come along and activate it. There are other ways of getting crushed, this just happens to be the most effective I can think up on the spur of the moment. Getting yourself run over by a fully loaded articulated lorry is quite good. You should remember that people quite often survive the actual crushing; they die when the weight is taken OFF them. 31. WORLD WAR THREE Time: moments if you are near a militarilly significant site Available: happen to be one of the 'key-holders'? president maybe? Certainty: pretty certain Notes: All you have to do is trigger world war three. Fire an ICBM or three at the Chinese and the Russians... This method has the advantage that you take everyone else with you! Trouble is, the number of people with the requisite access is minimal, and I sort of doubt that any readers of ASH can do this. 32. HEATSTROKE Time: 4 hours or more Available: Very hot day; no disturbance from neighbours etc Certainty: depends on the weather Notes: Basically, the point is to give yourself extreme heatstroke. You should pass out after a few hours. Use some aluminium foil to direct the sun's heat onto you, to speed up the process a bit. Try to reduce the chance of being interuppted, take off the phone etc. Obviously, start in the morning! Helps if the outside temperature is >100F. 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