_ | \ | \ | | \ __ | |\ \ __ _____________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ _____________ | ___________ _/_/ | | \ \ _/_/ ___________ | | | _/_/_____ | | > > _/_/_____ | | | | /________/ | | / / /________/ | | | | | | / / | | | | | |/ / | | | | | | / | | | | | / | | | | |_/ | | | | | | | | c o m m u n i c a t i o n s | | | |________________________________________________________________| | |____________________________________________________________________| ...presents... Tequila Willy's Position Paper by Reid Fleming and Omega >>> a cDc publication.......1993 <<< -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc- ____ _ ____ _ ____ _ ____ _ ____ |____digital_media____digital_culture____digital_media____digital_culture____| RECENT YEARS HAVE SEEN A HISTORIC EXPLOSION in prodigious cDc output, culminating in early 1993 with the release of dozens of new files (including cDc's 200th issue), promulgating the Word of the Bovine like infectious kudzu spores. Riding the incipient crest of cDc's new media publicity, T. Willy timed his political campaign to coincide with the public opinion surge pushing many swing voters toward the Cult and away from traditional secular candidates. It was Willy's mix of strident campaign rhetoric and non-stop, in-person pressing-of-the-flesh that kept him in the running down to the final days, until misfortune struck down his second veep running mate (whose name our meager disk space no longer records). Willy was a strong contender until those final hours, because he never tired of meeting new people and demonstrating his positions. In fact, if it weren't for a complete and utter lack of matching funds from the government, he would probably still be on America's great highways and by-ways campaigning for the Office of President. His irrepressible charm persisted even with the grueling rigors of the campaign trail. "It's gotten so even the Secret Service are like, close, close, close friends," he mentioned at a San Francisco photo-op, convened at Good Vibrations, nationally renowned erotica and gadget shop. It was shortly after that press conference that Tequila's first running mate, Admiral James Stockdale - TW's Machiavellian Idea Man - broke ranks and convinced an otherwise unremarkable Texan into bankrolling a splinter campaign. Let history record, through the testimony of the Cult's only surviving political document, the genius of cDc's premier politician and man for all ages of women. -- Chronicled by Reid Fleming and Omega ______________________________________________________________________________ Tequila Willy's Position Paper Candidate for the Presidency of the United States Constitution Hall, Philadelphia July 4, 1992 Here are the specific philosophies underlying my policy statements. Our nation faces great challenges in the coming decade and if we're going to solve them, we're going to have to have the guts to wrap our lips around something that might be a little salty. The most important issues confronting our nation have historically been these: The Women's Movement, Energy Policy, Foreign Policy, Global Environment, Population Control, The War on Drugs, Physical Fitness and the United States' Trade Deficit. JAPANESE COMPETITIVENESS Supported Front Position Entry From captured Japanese prints, the finesse of the Orient is demonstrated in this position where the woman's back and buttocks are supported, insuring deepest penetration to prolong the pleasure. ENERGY Standing Cunnilingus Arctic men instituted this diversion for a hot night in a cold climate. This is the most intimate of kisses to arouse the female partner and generate spontaneous heat for both. GLOBAL ENVIRONMENT Genital and Breast Fondling from the Rear From hidden jungle temples in the Amazon, with an untold wealth of sexual secrets, comes this principal method of female arousal, which is performed with unusual effectiveness. WAR ON DRUGS Backward Jockey Position The freewheeling Scandinavians, with their lust for sexual experi- mentation, originated this turnaround sitting position. This is the ultimate "turn on." FOREIGN POLICY EUROPEAN UNIFICATION Open Mouth French Kissing This import from romantic France is the most universally practiced foreplay technique in the entire world. Standing Front-To-Front The lusty, loving Basque of Spain add the visual appeal of watching your lover's face in the throws of orgasm. Doggy Rear-Entry Position Eighteenth century England with its famous courtesans and sexual antics, is responsible for many of the more famous "fun positions" of which the "doggy" is probably one of the best known. Standing Rear Entry Position Greece, the most advanced culture of the ancient world, is the originator of this rear entry position. Facilitates movement and promotes added thrills. "V" Fellatio Roman women gave maximum thrills to their men with this unique position that dates back to the times of the gladiators. MIDDLE EAST The Rocking Position We have the Arabs and their "ships of the desert" to thank for this erotic import. This position allows frontal caresses between the partners while they gently rock to a prolonged orgasm aided by the swaying of the camels. The Pyramid From the ancient murals of the 38th Egyptian dynasty, this position was revealed to the Western world. The woman straddles the delicately balanced man from above and by flexing his knees, he penetrates her to the utmost depths. THE NUCLEAR CLUB Suspended in Bliss The Chinese, with their love of precision and balance, are the originators of this unique position where the partners mutually support each other while scaling the heights of ecstasy. The Standing Wraparound This exciting position is highly recommended by the Kama Sutra (the mother of erotica). It suggests a strong back and a willingness to experiment as a prerequisite for this exotic approach. WOMEN'S MOVEMENT Missionary Position Until recently, this has been the world's most popular position - with the male in the dominant role. The advent of women's sexual liberation is resulting in more equal and erotic positions gaining in popularity. POPULATION CONTROL Mutual Oral Sex "69" The artistry of Casanova in the courts of France are demonstrated in this well-known foreplay method. This is also a popular substitute for intercourse in Latin countries. PHYSICAL FITNESS The Wheelbarrow From the court of Catherine the Great of Russia, stamina and agility are prerequisites for this position wherein the man walks the woman across the floor on her hands. TEQUILA WILLY, 1992 THE MAN WHO HAS THE JOB IN HAND "She said she voted for me! And you know what THAT means...." _______ __________________________________________________________________ / _ _ \|Demon Roach Undrgrnd.806/794-4362|Kingdom of Shit.....806/794-1842| ((___)) |Cool Beans!..........510/THE-COOL|Polka AE {PW:KILL}..806/794-4362| [ x x ] |The Alcazar..........401/782-6721|Moody Loners w/Guns.415/221-8608| \ / |The Works............617/861-8976|Finitopia...........916/673-8412| (' ') |ftp - zero.cypher.com in pub/cdc |ftp - ftp.eff.org in pub/cud/cdc| (U) |==================================================================| .ooM |Copr. 1993 cDc communications by Reid Fleming, Omega 04/01/93-#225| \_______/|All Rights Drooled Away. SIX GLORIOUS YEARS of cDc|