Chapter 7 EPITAPHS, FAMOUS LAST WORDS Miscellaneous The ashes of a person after cremation weigh about 4 pounds. Alexander the Great's body was submerged in honey. Honey does not disintegrate and is a hermetic seal. Tibetians used to cut their dead into pieces and offer the bits as food to birds. This custom was practiced until only about forty years ago. Mary, Queen of Scots was executed. The method was decapitation by axe. Evidently the axe wasn't very sharp, since the executioner had to hit her again and again fifteen times until her head came off. In the Renaissance era, people who were condemned to execution had to bribe their executioners to do a quick and merciful job. The Nazi's thought the guillotine needed improvement. The version that the used had the victims lay face up with the eyes propped open so that they wouldn't miss seeing anything. Epitaphs This epitaph can be found in Storrington Churchyard, England: "Here lies the Body of Edward Hyde. We laid him here because he died. Mary Keith Marshall's epitaph is in a graveyard in Kentucky: "She was good but not brilliant; Useful but not great." King Robert III of Scotland wanted this epitaph: (He also requested to be buried in an anthill.) "Here lies the worst king and the most miserable man in the kingdom." This is the epitaph of Ellen Shannon which speaks for itself: Who was fatally burned March 21, 1870 by the explosion of a lamp filled with "R.E. Danforth's Non-Explosive Burning Fluid." John Brown, a dentist's epitaph: Stranger! Approach this spot with gravity! John Brown is filling his last cavity." This one was from a woman who had never married: "No hits, no runs, no heirs." This epitaph was written for a young baby: Ope'd my eyes, took a peep; Didn't like it, went to sleep." William Shakespeare's epitaph: "Good friend, for Jesus' sake forbear, to dig the dust enclosed here! Blessed be the man that spares these stones, and cursed be he that moves my bones." Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr's epitaph: "Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty I'm free at last." W.C. Fields' epitaph: "On the whole I would rather be in Philadelphia." George Bernard Shaw's epitaph: "I knew if I stayed around long enough, something like this would happen." Famous Last Words Pablo Picasso's last words were, "Drink to me." On February 14, 1884, an artist was painting President Franklin D. Roosevelt, who announced, "Well, we've got fifteen minutes more to work." He then died of a stroke. The last thing Lou Costello did was eat a strawberry ice cream soda. The last thing he said was, "That was the best ice cream soda I ever tasted." Perhaps the most famous last words in all history were spoken by Major general John Sedgwich in the Civil War battle of Spottsylvania. He said, "Why, they couldn't hit an elephant at this dist..." On the Fourth of July, 1826, exactly 50 years after signing the Declaration of Independence, the American President John Adams' last words were, "Thomas Jefferson still survives." He was wrong. Thomas Jefferson died the same day. Leonardo da Vinci's last words were, "I have offended God and mankind because my work didn't reach the quality it should have." H.G. Wells last words were, "Go away, I'm all right!" He couldn't have been further from the truth. The last thing P.T. Barnum wondered about as he lay dying was: "How were the circus receipts today at Madison Square Garden?" Last words of Carl Panzram, mass murderer: "I wish the whole human race had one neck and I had my hands on it." James Rogers, when standing before his firing squad was asked if he had a last request. He answered, "Why, yes, I'd like a bulletproof vest." William Palmer was sentenced to the gallows. As the rope was put around his head and he stood on the trap door in the floor he asked, "Are you sure it's safe?" Dominique Bouhours, a grammarian, had these last words: "I am about to - or I am going to - die: either expression is used." The physicist James Croll wanted a glass of Scotch. He stated, "I don't think there's much fear of me learning to drink now." The last words of Fontenelle were, " I suffer nothing, but feel a sort of difficulty in living longer." The last words of Benjamin Franklin: "A dying man can do nothing easy." The last words of King Louis XVIII. "A king should die standing." The Thing Lord Thurlow said was, "I'll be shot if I don't believe I'm dying." The last words of Georg Wilhelm Hegel: "Only one man understood me ... and he didn't understand." The big-time gangster Arnold Rothstein was asked who shot him. Keeping faithful to the gangster tradition of secrecy even as he was dying, he said, "Me mudder did it."