The Joy Of BlinkieFests by Captain Crapp/Vile Scent an ANUS production First, I would like to say that blinkie running, and blinkie fests, are not enjoyed by everyone, and that there is often a reason why people don't enjoy them. Some people are just not as psychotic as the rest of us. This doesn't mean that they're wimps, but I wouldn't bring them on something like a blinkie run as they are liable to screw up. Not that a blinkie run is a strenuous activity, but some people aren't made to do it. -------------------------- The Art Of Blinkie Running -------------------------- If you haven't read my previous text file on the art of blinkie running, I suggest that you get it. It's up on TURD and some of the more flagrantly psychotic AE's around, so it's not that hard to find. But I'll review it because I want to waste copy buffer space: A blinkie is a night time safety flasher, usually found near or on construction, and an interesting conversation piece. Also, they're fun to steal. A pig is a law enforcement officer on duty. Bacon Bits are pigs off duty, usually as paid security people. Baco-Bits are fake pigs off duty; basically, they are just dumbass security people. A blinkie run is the act of stealing a blinkie. A blinkie fuck is a fucked-up blinkie run. The idea in a paragraph - Scan the site the day or night before. Bring a car, blinkie tool (19 mm or 3/4 inch socket wrench) and a straightened paperclip. If the blinkies have little holes in them, poke the clip into the hole and push. This should shut it down, but if it doesn't, just toss the blinkies into a large, thick bag and throw it in your car. Never do anything in a car except arrive, load blinkies in, and leave. You can always escape on foot, but never in a car. Don't break a law during the run except actually stealing blinkies. This is all simple, easy stuff. No sweat. ------------ Blinkie Fest ------------ The Blinkie Fest is a new form of entertainment gaining popularity because of its versatility and appeal to both sexes (who wants to get sweaty with a bunch of members of the same sex? c'mon). In a nutshell, the blinkieFest is sort of a modified scavenger hunt, except you usually only hunt for one thing: blinkies. There are three steps to setting one up: recruitment, preparation, and the actual run. ----------- Recruitment ----------- This is a good sort of thing to take your friends to some Friday night, mid-school year, when everyone's pretty bored with doing the same old shit each weekend, and there's a temporary beer drought. You need about three people plus a driver per car, and how many people you have come determines the number of cars you have (duhh). These people will need one or two blinkie tools per car, and probably some pillowcases or other shit for anything else they pick up if they get bored with blinkies. People to get: Reliable friends Drunk chicks Pyschotic friends People to avoid: Skeeve the Magician Acid Heads People who cringe when they do over 35 MPH Drivers need to be sober, of legal age and have cars in good shape. Cars to get are simple, old and usually non-descript Japanese or domestic vehicles. Avoid dad's BMW or your own flashy vehicle, since the pigs just LOVE to hassle you. ----------- Preparation ----------- Divide people up by cars, four to each vehicle, including driver. Make sure each car has at least two blinkie tools and several sacks to hide stolen stuff in, plus a place to hide it in the car. Also, make sure beer, guns, knives an fireworks are well hidden. If you want, a pair of walkie-talkies per vehicle is good, because that way you can have a lookout for really decent thieving. Everyone must have an excuse for staying out late. It's easy - if your parents are conservative buttheads who freak when you're out later than midnight, "spend the night" at a friend's house. Pick someone they trust to lie for you. Works every time. It's usually not a problem, though. ----------- BlinkieFest ----------- Now, take your friends, divide them up among the cars, and head out. I suggest giving each a point chart, such as the following: Cones 10 Red Blinkie 25 Blue Blinkie 40 Stop Sign 50 Police Car 300 Yellow Blinkie 20 Dip Sign 60 No Parking 50 Walk Light 100 Century 21 50 Road Sign 50 Stop Light 300 License Plate 90 These make it all the more fun. Arrange for a rendezvous at about six the next morning at a safe location (alley, church) where the cars will meet up and count what has been thieved. Since there is ofte more stuff stolen than can be held per car, it's also good to have a friend's house where stuff can be dumped, or a parked car, or something of the sort. Have fun - and remember the ANUS golden rule: If it's not nailed down, it's free! Captain Crapp ANUS 09/04/89