\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ //////////////////////////////// \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ //////////////////////////////// \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\' //////////////// .ao0.////////// \\\\\\ YOOOOO000b.\\\\\ YOOOOO00000@@@@@//// dOO000@//////// \\\\\ YOOO0000@@@b\\\' YOOO00000@@@@@P// dOOO000@D////// \\\\ OO0000@@@@@b' / OO000P///////// dOOO000@P///// \\ O000P'\Y@@@@D/// O0000q///////// OO000@P///// ' 0000\\\\Y@@@D/// 00000@@@@@////// 000@@@@q/ Editor: 0000Q\'d@@@@D/// 0000@@@@@P//////// @@@@@@@. Access Denied 000@@@@@@@@P'/// 000@@P//////////// .d@@@@@D X Marks The d00@@@@@@@P'//// d00@@@a///////// d@@@@@@@@@' Shit d00@@@@@@P'///// d00@@@@@@//////// @@@@@@@@' ///////////////////////////////\ Y@@@@' ///////////////////////////////\\\\ Y@'\\\\ ///////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ ///////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ ///////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ ///////////////////////////////\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ /////////////////////////////// \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ D a m n e d F u c k i n g S h i t - Presents - Issue #57 Date: 5/30/96 Title: The Adventures of Spudboy Author: Cerebral Neurosis -= The Adventures Of Spudboy =- by cerebral neurosis name: spudboy occupation: defender of the zer0-d4y age:unknown sex:yes height:3" weight:hey.. thats personal spudboy comes to town long long ago, in a galaxy far, far, far, far, far, FAR away, was the planet R4Z0R 9ii... Unbeknownst to most earth peoples, this was the home of the incredible potatoesach race. These beings were highly intelligent and were very loving. one day, while listening to their favorite radio station, K-R4D, the picked up some interplanetary linenoise. "Help." "our zer0 d4y w4r3zZz are becoming old and maggot infested. help". Spudboy, upon hearing this, lept to his feet. "Have no fear, Spudboy, defender of the zer0 d4y will rescue those" and this is how Spudboy got here to earth... upon arriving on earth, spudboy raced out and bought a brandspanking new laptop and a nifty 28.8k z00m modem.. he immediatly called the k-radest 0day board in the U.S. and engaged in a chat with the mighty sysop. SB: what seems to be your problem Mr. 0d4y: it seems we have run out of zer0d4y w4r3zZZzZz.. we all have nothing to do.. SB: oh.. well.. where do you get your zer0d4y w4r3ZzzZz from? Mr. 0d4y: from a group called Midnite Mastrubators. they used to give us the most zer0d4y w4r3zZzz in the w0rld.. now all we get is a FILE_ID.DiZ stating that there will be no more 0d4y forever! please find out why. SB: yessireediddlydoo! right away.. Mr. 0d4y: oh thank you.. here.. take this 1043208day-old-rewritten-43 times tfile on how to make a spudgun. you'll need it, i think.. you never know.. SB: thankyou... laters! and may your warez never grow old#@ Mr. 0d4y: ..i don't HAVE any warez.. that's why we called YOU! SB: oh.. yea.. well, fuck you then.. Mr. 0d4y: l8z NO CARRIER so our hero reads the gnewest t-file on how to make a spudgun.. "says here, i should take this nastatechysaurusayterthing and stick in the potatoes and - WHAT?!? i'm not doing that! That is known to make me have a terrible case of ga-" a suden burst of gas shoots out of spudboy's rear side. unfortunalty, our hero was standing next to a running blowtorch! "YEOW*@&&^#*@" spudboy exclaimed as his fart turned into a gigantic blue flame extending from the center of his butt. Even more unfortunatly, spudboys butt was right above a big bottle of nitroglycerin, which he had planned to use with his spudgun. Spudboy looks and sees all too late the horrible event that will transform his body into new and exciting shapes! "uh oh.." spudboy groans.. our hero is blasted off into the sky.. all the way to.. Cloud 9!! oh my! our hero has certainly taken a turn for the worse.. or has he? Stay tuned for further episodes on the next "Spudboy: Protector of the ZeroDay" scene from the next "Spudboy" ________ |\ ____________________ __________ | \ |this looks odd.. i | | 0 day | | |\ ______ |better check it out | | wares | | | \ \|/ / 00 |\|/ \__________________/ | storage | | | | \| o /_/ __/ |__________| | O | | |\ < | | | | | | | | | O | ....\_____/...oooOO00oOOo........o0o0......oOOo.......|>ioU>O......o.| | | /__ \/ . : \ | | ooo ;: : :: \| | : : \ | \| Find DFS On These Fine Systems (When they're up...) ========================================================================== | Paradise Lost +1.414.476.3181 DFS World HQ | | Temporary Insanity +1.414.666.W00T DFS Affiliate HQ | | Arcane Asylum +1.414.PSY.CHOS DFS Thingy HQ | | | | FTP - etext.archive.umich.edu - /pub/Zines/DFS | | HTTP - http://www.execpc.com/~adenied | | | See, it's like this. I don't call out, so I don't know if any of my | | distros are still up. So they're all GONE! If you want to be a site | | mail Access Denied at adenied@execpc.com or call Paradise Lost. | | | | ASCII Art by Incarnate | | | | To submit, call Paradise Lost and log on as DFS. The password is: | | JINGLE JINGLE | ==========================================================================