=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = F.U.C.K. - Fucked Up College Kids - Born Jan. 24th, 1993 - F.U.C.K. = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Legion's Rants ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This is a non-canonical list of things I hate and things that I hate slightly less. Continue at your own risk. Things I hate (in no particular order): Sports and the idiots who watch them on TV. It's pretty fucking sad to see a front-page shot of a Broncos running back on a paper that relegates the US bombing of another mideastern country to page three. Funding for Denver public schools is so low that students no longer have textbooks they can take home, making a joke of the word "homework," yet Denver voters proudly showed where their priorities lay by voting against a tax hike for schools while voting for a new stadium for the Denver Doncos. Stupid people (see also: sports fans). I explain things twice at most. If you still don't get it, then ask somebody with more patience. Abortion protesters (see also: stupid people). According to at least one of the higher-ups in Operation Rescue, the murder of abortion doctors is acceptable provided it will "save babies." In this light, I propose the murder of abortion protesters to save this country's moral integrity. Religious idiots (see also: all of the above). I really don't give a shit *what* you worship. But if you get in my face and try to force me to worship the same thing, then I'll gladly explain to you why you are: (a) stupid, (b) delusional, (c) a waste of oxygen, and (d) ill in the head. I'll also explain why your religion is logically unsound (this goes for any religion, BTW) and I'll throw in an explanation of how your particular religion came into existence in the first place. Sitcoms. Unless you consider _The Simpsons_ a sitcom, I have never seen one that made me so much as crack a smile. Each and every one of them is trite and lame (come to think of it, this describes about 98.21% (this is an approximation to the exact amount of TV programming I can't stand) of all television shows). Hunters (see also: sports fans). Now don't get me wrong; I have nothing against hunters *per se*. I just hate the ones who think that they're manly men for going into the woods with their RVs, cell phones, microwave dinners, etc. and shooting a deer with a 30-06 from a blind and wearing odor neutralizers. Real sporting, chimp. Let's see you take on the deer without a backup supply of food. With a knife. Let's see you survive for even a single night in the wilderness with only your knife and a sleeping bag. Why are you so proud of the heads on your wall? Fucking weekend warrior. Yuppies. The same people who look at me with disdain the day I wear my leather jacket will look at me with approval when I wear my wool trenchcoat and have my laptop with me. Hypocritical scum. Cops. Don't take this personally, piggy, but I'm going to start throwing a party every single time a pig is killed in the line of duty in Colorado. Have a nice fucking day, and watch your back (or don't, ha ha). I'll include the Boulder police under this one...the body was in the basement, you bumbling fuck-ups. How did you manage to miss it the first time you "searched" the house? Exceptional work, Officer Bong. Housing development. A clever euphemism for "kiss your individuality goodbye, motherfucker." I have an aerial photo of a condo community around here somewhere...if I find it I'll scan it in and put it up here somewhere. It's really quite terrifying. Bigots (see also: sports fans, stupid people, religious idiots). Racism is illogical. Homophobia is illogical. Sexism is illogical. "But Legion," you're probably thinking, "aren't you a hypocrite for writing this after all that mean stuff you said about cops, not to mention religious people?" No. Cops aren't cops by nature. Religious people aren't religious by nature. Bigots aren't bigots by nature. All of those are unnatural things. Self-appointed moralists (see also: stupid people, religious idiots). What business is it of Senator Helms whether I look at pictures of naked women? In general, if you worry about what other people do in their spare time, then you have far too much spare time of your own. But just to help the moralists keep tabs on every instance of turpitude in the country, I propose that we send them email each and every time we look at "smut" (which includes, in no particular order: naked women, naked men, bra advertisements, religious icons, pop stars like Madonna and Elvis, Calvin Klein ads, congressional hearings, witch burnings, female ministers, book burnings, women without veils over their faces, The Holy Bible, and anything else deemed "indecent" by anyone anywhere in the world). I'll end this one on a cheery note: go fuck yourself (go send that email now; I'll wait). Email spammers. Fortunately, there are several cures for this particular blight (see the "Hunting/Phishing" section of my links page). In conclusion, you suck. Don't ask me what I think the weather will be like; I don't care. Don't ask me if I caught the game last night; I didn't. Don't try to force your religion down my throat; it's a sham. This section will be added to as I think of more things I hate. Things I hate slightly less than the above: Breaking email spammers' servers in half like a calcium-deficient egg. Getting away with telling people exactly what I think of them, to their face, due to my physical size. Note that this doesn't mean that I'm an asshole, just that wimps who would pick fights with smaller people don't try to pick them with me. Prozac (r). Mmmm, mmm, good. Sony Playstation. Currently the leader in world sales of "next generation" game consoles, and with good reason. Tekken 2 is the best fighting game I've ever seen (and this is coming from a huge Virtua Fighter 2 fan). Ganbare Goemon 5 (pronounced "gawnbaray go-ay-moan") is due out soon, along with several other cool Japanese ports. Japanese everything (except food). I love the country and the people (even though they're all extremely xenophobic), as well as everything produced in Japan (better games, better electronics, better cars, more interesting history, etc.), but I don't particularly care for Japanese food. Women. Don't ask me why, but I like almost all of the women I know, even the ones I wouldn't expect myself to like (religious nuts, etc.). Of course, this sets me up for a fall (due to various incompatibilities) when I start liking a particular one more than usual. Call me crazy. The Internet (r). Even though it's exactly the vast intellectual desert that people say it is, I love it. Call me crazy. Movies. Even though I prefer books, I'll gladly watch a crappy sci-fi flick. In fact, I think I'll go watch one right now. -Legion =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = Questions, Comments, Bitches, Ideas, Rants, Death Threats, etc etc... = = Internet : jericho@dimensional.com (Mail is welcomed) = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = gote land +27.31.441115 = = Arrested Development +31.77.3547477 = = Global Chaos +61.2.681.2837 = = Chemical Persuasion 203.324.0894 Undrgrnd Indust/Inc. 207.490.2158 = = Damnation 212.861.0580 Damnation -Toll Free 888.803.8490 = = Hacker's Haven 303.516.9969 Unholiness Rising 303.980.2404 = = E.L.F. (NUP) 314.272.3426 Misery 318.625.4532 = = Dungeon Sys. Inc. 410.263.2258 Psykodelik Images -- Down -- = = Paradise Lost 414.476.3181 Black SunShine 513.891.3465 = = underworld_1995.com 514.683.1894 Digital Fallout 516.378.6640 = = PSYCHOSiS 613.836.7211 Bad Trip 615.870.8805 = = Plan 9 716.881.3663 suicidal chaos 718.592.1083 = = Damaged 801.944.7353 The Death Star Bar 805.872.3151 = = Purple Hell 806.791.0747 BloodNet 901.872.8615 = = Atrocity Exhibition 905.796.3385 Phoenix Modernz 908.830.8265 = = The Keg 914.234.9674 that stupid place 215.985.0462 = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = Files through AnonFTP FTP.DIMENSIONAL.COM/users/jericho/FUCK = = FTP.LEMMING.COM/pub/zines/fucked.up.college.kids = = FTP.PRISM.NET/pub/users/mercuri/zines/fuck = = FTP.WINTERNET.COM/users/craigb/fuck = = FTP.GIGA.OR.AT/pub/hackers/zines/FUCK = = ETEXT.ARCHIVE.UMICH.EDU - /pub/Zines/FUCK = = Files through WWW: http://www.dimensional.com/~jericho = = http://www.prism.net/zineworld/fuck/ = =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= = (c) Copyright. 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