Oh my GawD! ***** FULLY FUNCTIONAL TRANNIES! ***** More from GwaD! The GREENY world Domination Task Force, Incorporated Brings YOU 20 Brand New Text Files for 2001! (Issues 80-99 of GwD: The American Dream with a Twist - of Lime) -=< NewGwDsnEWgWdSNewGwDsnEWgWdSNewGwDsnEWgWdSNewGwDsnEWgWdSNewGwDsnEWgWdS >=- -=< GwD News, Issue #14 >=- gwd80.txt - The Significance of 05-25-00 (by Kilroy), gwd81.txt - mute. (by Kp Neato Dee), gwd82.txt - Going Postal (by Franken Gibe), gwd83.txt - A Semester in Russia, Part 3 (by Yancey Slide), gwd84.txt - Medical Applications of Selective Laser Sintering (SLS) (by Otis), gwd85.txt - My Poetry & Why I Hate Poetry (by Grandmaster Ratte'), gwd86.txt - Chach! (by Oscar the Pornographer), gwd87.txt - Send 'Em Packing: Reasoning for Congressional Term Limits (by Otis), gwd88.txt - The Drug Project (by www.thedrugproject.org), gwd89.txt - When Not Working (by Kp Neato Dee), gwd90.txt - Am I Old School Yet? (by Jaffo), gwd91.txt - Fuckin' HOEs (by Lobo Licious), gwd92.txt - Language Acquisition: Philosophical Variations on a Theme by Steven Pinker (by Bob the Master of the World), gwd93.txt - OPEN THEM EYES! (by Kp Neato Dee), gwd94.txt - Evaluating Some Premises of Hill's Argument in "Self-Regarding Suicide" (by Otis), gwd95.txt - Ubermensch and Raskolnikov (by Bob the Master of the World), gwd96.txt - A Look at Hardin's Attacks On Contemporary Theories of Color (by Otis), gwd97.txt - Dreams (by G. Ratte' & F. Gibe), gwd98.txt - Sickness (by Some Sick Bastard), AND.... gwd99.txt - ICC for You and Me: A Colorful Children's Primer for the Statutes, Progress, and Prospects of the International Criminal Court (by Yancey Slide). -+- GREEN is GOOD. -+- ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** R E L E A S E N O T E S ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** WORD TO YOUR MOMS. Not much going on this time, G. Just some files for your reading pleasure. These files are being released on 01-03-01, which is cool cuz it adds to five. Heh. Some of these files are by Grandmaster Ratte' and Franken Gibe of the cDc. This, of course, is because we are better than you and we rub elbows with the elite of the elite. So, print the files out and read them in the can. ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** Summaries of New Issues ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** "The Significance of 05-25-00" = GwD80 = Kilroy discusses the significa- nce of 05-25-00, the date of the last GwD release, and quite possibly, the most sig- nificant day ever. Rock balls. ----- "mute." = GwD81 = Lubbock BBS legend Kp Neato Dee makes his first contribution to GwD. This file is so fucking rad, I'll bet you $0.55 cents that it'll make you all hot and bothered, you fucking sluts. ----- "Going Postal" = GwD82 = Another entry from Franken Gibe he who is like unto God. cDc- schmee-dee-see, his Gibeness is at it again. Holy shit, this file makes me want to go out & pound shots of bourbon while snorting cocaine until my heart explodes! Gibe for God in '01! ----- "A Semester in Russia, Part 3" = GwD83 = Yancey Slide recently spent a semester in St. Petersburg, Russia. Here is his story from his own point of view (such a novel concept). An interesting look at life in the former communist country that is now struggling to find its true calling (somewhat like GwD). Of course, passages relating to GwD Covert Ops in this country that is now "our friend" have been removed. You will read this, and you will like it, or Lenin's styrofoam corpse will kill you. Part 4 is on its way, soon...maybe. ----- "Medical Applications of Selective Laser Sintering (SLS)" = GwD84 = Otis takes a break from alcohol (see gwd68.txt) to discuss the medical applications of a spec- ific rapid prototyping process. It's about making bones, man... BONES. You made your bones, got him at a deli. Congrats. ----- "My Poetry & Why I Hate Poetry" = GwD85 = First Gibe, now Grandmaster Ratte'? Holy fuck, those GwD boys might actually have some- thing if these telecom legends are writing for them. Read this or die, CHACH. ----- "Chach!" = GwD86 = Oscar the Pornographer, a new dr00g, finally defines "chach" for all of you chach-ified chaches out there in Chach-Land Chach. ----- "Send 'Em Packing: Reasoning for Congressional Term Limits" = GwD87 = Otis has been working hard since he got back on the wagon. Here's his take on the ongoing "problem" of Congressional term limits. Of course, "Congress" will only matter for a few more years, because GwD will soon assume control of this pitiful planet. Be prepared to lick our boots, Earth-Scum! ----- "The Drug Project" = GwD88 = Like, drugs should be legalized and stuff, cuz drug crimes are victimless. Yeah, man. Did you see the tracers on that Death Star? ----- "When Not Working" = GwD89 = Kp Neato Dee's next entry, a lovely discourse about being unemployed. Or something like that. Beautiful, flowery lang -uage. This file rocks balls. You will read it, and then you will sell all of your belongi- ngs and send the $cash$ to GwD (P.O. Box listed below) and then you will move to our com- pound in Wyoming and prepare for the End Times. ----- "Am I Old School Yet?" = GwD90 = Net-Legend Jaffo endorses GwD as the next big thing in the textfile scene. What textfile scene, you ask? Fuck you. ----- "Fuckin' HOEs" = GwD91 = Lobo Licious gives an emotional send-off to the Hogz of Entropy a publication ALMOST as lame as GwD. Read it, live it, love it. ----- "Language Acquisition" = GwD92 = Bob relates a tale of language acquistion. Duh. Read the tit -le, jackass. ----- "OPEN THEM EYES!" = GwD93 = Another one by Kp Neato Dee! This guy never quits. OHMANOH, this file is even *cooler* than the other two by him in this release. I mean, you will seriously SHIT YOUR PANTS when you read it. For the love of God, man, READ THIS FILE. Print it out! Make love to the print -outs! Pour syrup all over your body and hire midgets to lick it off! You goddamn sluts! ----- "Evaluating Some Premises of Hill's Argument in 'Self-Regarding Suicide'" = GwD94 = Otis is back on the scene with this remarkable treatment of a topic that has perplexed us for centuries. In the words of the Bloodhound Gang, "Life's short and hard, like a body-building elf, so save the planet and kill yourself." Okay, fine, that quote isn't relevant. Read the file anyway, chach. ----- "Ubermensch and Raskolnikov" = GwD95 = An interesting discussion of whether or not the principal character of _Crime and aPunish- ment_ (one of the best books ever written), is actually one of Nietzsche's overmen. You will read this file, or you will be destroyed. ----- "A Look at Hardin's Attacks on Contemporary Theories of Color" = GwD96 = Since we're all about *GREEN* 'round these parts, we decided that you should have to read an exciting essay about colors. Hey, it's all part of your brain-washing. That Otis sure is covering a wide range of topics in this release, isn't he? That's because he's smart- er than you. ----- "Dreams" = GwD97 = cDc founders,Grandmaster Ratte' and Franken Gibe, are now exclu -sively contracted to GwD. Uhh, did we say exclusively? We sure didn't mean that shit, jackass. Actually, these guys were just nice enough to let us use some of there stuff for this, a very special GwD file. Slut. ----- "Sickness" = GwD98 = The title says it all. This is the kind of "funny" tale that you laugh at, and then you feel all dirty for laughing. Of course, you *ARE* dirty, so that feeling is nothing new. ----- "ICC for You and Me" = GwD99 = Yancey Slide relates to you, the lame-ass reader, lots and lots of information about the proposed International Criminal Court. I suggest you read it since some day you will stand trial before the court for crimes against humanity or oth- er members of the animal king- dom, you sick-o. ----- -*- No Added Fillers. Just 100% Cheese for 100% Great Taste. -*- ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** What's going on in Grenedom? ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** -> HEADLINES <- GwD is the coolest entity on the planet. And *YOU* are a chach-a-rific *SLUT*. The only real news this time is that we're releasing 20 files. What more do you sons of bitches want? PUSSY SESSION. -> OTHER NEWS <- Umm, also, the website now works. And GwDwarez was added, as was the page about our "Family of Companies." Of course, "now works" is a relative term. The site may not actually work for the first few hours (maybe even a whole day) after this news file is sent out in e-mail. That's about it, sluts. If you would get off your asses and do something, this section wouldn't be so sparse. Kids these days, fah! -> SUBMISSION INFORMATION <- If you have ANYTHING to submit to GwD (artwork, text, outlandish claims, etc.), DO NOT HESITATE to send it our way. "submit@GREENY.org" is there for you, baby. Work must be 100% original and it must be understood that once submitted, articles/artwork/photographs become the property of GwD, Inc. (unless they have been previously published elsewhere) and we can use them however we see fit, even if it's merely to make fun of them (and you). -> LETTERS TO THE EDITOR <- [All spelling/grammar errors are those of the author(s) and are not errors on the part of GwD, cuz, well, we're perfect. Yeah.] ----- From: Harris40tude@aol.com Date: Wed, 27 Sep 2000 00:15:53 EDT Subject: Sperm donor criteria To: gwd@greeny.org How can I donate sperm samples so as to help an infertile couple bring into fruition the gift and miracle of life? Where might I look to find places in my area (about ten miles east of Philadelphia) to participate? Matthew ----- From: "third try" Date: Mon, 23 Oct 2000 06:35:23 To:editor@greeny.org Subject: Hey, check out this band! Hi, we are third try. I guess you could call us pop-punk. Anyways, we are writing you because we heard that you like bands like us, and we wanted you to visit our website: http://www.thirdtry.com. On thirdtry.com you can find FREE MP3s of our music, so you can see for yourself how great we really are. Thank you for your time. Sincerely Yours, third try PS: Also, while you are there, check out how you can help us win the Ernie Ball battle of the bands and win a cool purple glitter guitar! [Purple is not cool.] ----- From: Kilroy Subject: Heya - To: gwd@greeny.org Date: Fri, 6 Oct 2000 10:34:15 -0600 (MDT) just found this in my research... http://www.asdf.com/asdfgreen.html -kilroy ----- ~~~~~ -*- Keep Texas Beautiful -*- CONTACT: The GREENY world Domination Task Force, Inc. http://www.GREENY.org/ Pubs - http://gwd.mit.edu/ - Pubs ftp://ftp.GREENY.org/gwd/ gwd@GREENY.org P.O. Box 16038 - Lubbock, Texas - 79490 - for moral, ethical, spiritual, and financial guidance - * Lusty busty teens - always live and ready! * The GwD Task Force, Inc. - Bringing YOU All the Best in Absolute Crap Since 1993 by Lobo Licious ***** copyright (c) MM GwD, Inc. ***** release date = 01-03-01 -*- GwD - "God, we're Dorks." - GwD -*- GwDN14