$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$ hogz of entropy #139 $$$$$P $$$$ $$$$ moo, oink, up your butt. $$$$P $$$$ x$$$$ $$$P $$$$ xP$$$$ d$$$$$$$$$$$. $$$. $$$$xP $$$$ $$$$$$' >$$$$ $$$$$$$$$. $$$$P $$$$ 4$$$$$. .$$$$' $$$$'`4$$$b. $$$$ $$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$P' $$$$b 4$$$$b. $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$< %% $$$$$b 4$$$$$x $$$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$$$$$ %% >> "potato salad" << by -> murmur ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- prologue: this is the tale of shizbit of the planet patheticos in a far away galaxy. shizbit was sent to earth to try to understand how earthlings work. disguised as an earth creature, he was able to enroll in a small liberal arts university in the midwest, hoping that this would enable him to investigate earthlings on a very personal level. of course, shizbit, being vaguely unfamiliar with certain earthling traditions, like headbutts and handshakes, would have to rely mostly on his roommate for cues on how to "be" an earthling. unfortunately for shizbit, he was assigned for a roommate an individual known as enos. the following are from his daily logs back to patheticos. after three months, shizbit, having reached the point of clinical insanity, was recalled to patheticos, where he remains in a janitorial position. earth day. 08/28/96: i am settled in to my 'dorm room'. my roommate, enos gain, has not yet arrived. these rooms are particularly interesting; there appear to be multiple 'outlets' in the walls for various types of earth devices. enos and i shall each have a desk and a dresser and a 'closet' device. i could grow to like this place, i think. 08/29/96: enos has arrived, and is already well on his way to breaking any conceived notion i had of how earth creatures operate. all of his carrying devices have bright red decals attached to them which say "ETHIOPIAN AIRLINES". he has brought what he claims to be a 'starfish colony' and he has many tubes of the earth specimen known as 'toothpaste', yet his teeth are quite green, so perhaps 'toothpaste' has a different meaning than i once thought. i am so fortunate to have for a roommate such a fine specimen. i shall learn a great deal from him, i am quite sure. 08/30/96: enos woke up at 4 a.m. this morning claiming that he had to undergo his daily spleen cleansing. i am very curious about what this "spleen cleansing" operation entails. he has also stapled many brownish shrazplot-shaped objects that he calls "mama's bratwursts" to the walls. i am not sure if this is for decoration or for insect attraction. i had always been under the impression that insects were not welcome by earthlings, but apparently that is not the case. how fascinating. 08/31/96: these earth beings are very odd indeed. many of them appear to become quite saddened when i inform them that my roommate is enos gain. i do not understand. one of them commented, "that sucks, dued" but i have no idea what is sucking what or who "dued" is. my earth name is johnny, recall. i also went to my first classes today. there are many earth creatures that wear these contorted objects called 'hats'. it appears to be to keep the insects out of their eyelids. perhaps i shall need to get a 'hat'. enos has such a 'hat', but i can not read what is written on it because it appears that it has been through an earth fire. 09/01/96: the 'r.a.' stopped by today while enos was out and asked me why we had bratwursts stapled to the walls. i told him i thought it was to attract insects and he looked at me very oddly and said he would return later. also, the colony of starfish appeared to be moving today. they are very tiny creatures and i am not at all sure what the appeal is. they are contained in what is known as a 'pitcher' and there is an open packet next to the 'pitcher' that says something about "sea monkey food". i do not understand such things yet. 09/02/96: there is this unusual earth specimen called 'candy'. the premise of this candy is to be "tasty" and supposedly to "happy one's mouth." i have seen many people eating this candy called the 'mint' which is a small globuzo-shaped object. enos offered me some of his candy today and said it was very good candy and he liked it a lot. this 'opium' he gave me did not make very much sense to me. apparently enos was adversely affected by the candy because he suddenly declared it was "time to mellow out, dued." i still do not know who "dued" is or why people keep discussing this individual, but i'm determined to figure it out. enos passed out shortly thereafter. 09/03/96: i was invited to a "jammin frat party" today and i thought this might be an excellent opportunity to see how earth people interact. i was shocked. large men wearing the 'hats' drink massive quantities of 'alcohol' and 'dance' with earth women that often have large fatzuus stuck to their chests and they too drink this 'alcohol'. alcohol must be another kind of candy like the opium enos so enjoys. i then followed an earth man and woman into this room and apparently their tongue muscles were engaging in a fistfight, not all that unlike the phelephuls from boronisfifthelementia. -/- END OF TRANSMISSION -/- ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- * (c) HoE publications. HoE #139 -- written by Murmur -- 12/4/97 *