'##::::'##:::'#####:::'########: THE HELOTS OF ECSTASY PRESS RELEASE #406 !! ##:::: ##::'##.. ##:: ##.....:: =========================================== ##:::: ##:'##:::: ##: ##::::::: "Jacques Cousteau is An Alien and !! #########: ##:::: ##: ######::: Still Threatens This Planet!" !! ##.... ##: ##:::: ##: ##...:::: *or* !! ##:::: ##:. ##:: ##:: ##::::::: Why You Should Not "Get Your Rocks Off". !! ##:::: ##::. #####::: ########: =========================================== ..:::::..::::.....::::........:: by -> Astray Heart 1/7/99 !! !!========================================================================!! Because ROCKS are gradually eroded to SAND, and the mudshark would not be much fun to have sex with as its skin is so SANDY (not Sandy, though I can't imagine that would be much fun to have sex with either), and eventually one becomes BARREN and turned into a PILLAR OF SALT like LOT'S WIFE, and all for having BIG ROCK-LIKE LUST! This is why Rock and Roll is a COMMUNIST CONSPIRACY PLATONIC PLOT as opposed to, in the words of DePugh (Mason & Dixon, page two hundred something), "Surf Music!" Furthermore, the surf, the foamy brine, pounds the beat yea verily even unto OUTER SPACE. This is because there is an eldritch and indefagitable likeness between these two frontiers--between the mighty humpback and the clarion cry of the arriving UFO. This is seen in the mighty outer space surf band "Man or Astroman?", and in more humble, that is to say, on-topic, terms, in the "Surf Version" of Interstellar Overdrive on the "Rhamadam" bootleg, and of course in the ORIGINAL lyrics to "Echoes", which were in OUTER SPACE, but travelled to UNDERWATER for no other purpose than to alert all of us to the suffocation that lies beyond our grasp. For it is that we live in the land of AIR, but when that apparatus is sucked from us, whether we live in the dark vacuum of the Crab Nebula or the roiling pressures of the Marianas Trench, THERE IS THE FACE OF GOD! !!NYES!! JACQUES COUSTEAU IS AN ALIEN AND STILL THREATENS THIS PLANET! This despite the sea realms being infested with salt, the granulated pustules pounding amongst sand and rock. Salt, the trojan horse of rock-nature, is not QUITE the evil that sand and rock is--Jesus, for instance--someone who has been unjustly and unfairly bound to JHVH, BTW--called his followers "The salt of the earth", but also raised the spectre of corruption: "If salt goes flat, what is it to be salted with?" Though it is not commonly known now, salt CAN go flat just a cola (of which more in ANOTHER excerpt from the exegesis, BTW) can--and it is that absence of tang, of zest, which proves fatal to what otherwise is a mediating presence. Yes, there is more salt in heaven and earth than is dreamt of in your philosophy. Where does it come from? It is in some ways rocklike-- but it does not have the stark grandiosity of rock. Indeed, unlike rock it is SOLUBLE--and that which can worm its way into water is surely not inutile! Furthermore, salt is a mark of fertility. As all you women, and I'm sure quite a few of you men, know from experience, the spark of life tastes of salt. But even despite this, it is NOT a pleasant thing to swallow. It is procreative, flavorful, but most of all, a work of danger. For Jesus makes this clear: SALT IS POWER. Salt, which can irritate the eyes, being (again in the words of Jesus), a mote in one's eye, has power to destroy. It may sting and blind one's enemies-- its zest may overpower the bland flavors favored by the Puritans and willy-nilly pussywhippers of Normality. Salt can melt ice--can break stasis. It can be, in the words of Niven and Pournelle, the mote in GOD's eye, and indeed shall contribute greatly to make that as yet unnamed god commence to rubbing mightily. But it can ALSO overpower the subtle humours of life, can reduce flavor to only so much sharp gristle. It is, indeed, one of the greatest weapons of that defiled and blasphemous BLIND IDIOT GOD himself! WHY do you think these realms are so INHOSPITABLE to man? Why can we survive for years in the desert, why indeed where the MOST ENDURING MONOTHEISTIC RELIGIONS OF OUR TIME FOUNDED THERE? Why is the most famous sea in the Holy Land the DEAD SEA, a sea POISONED, awash in salt-tasting droplets? What is the Dead Sea but a stagnant pool of the SPUNK GENERATED BY A ROGUE ATTEMPT TO EMULATE THE ONANISTIC FERTILITY OF THE EGYPTIAN WHO BROUGHT THE FERTILE CRESCENT TO LIFE? And what impotent would-be God, what meddler in the ways of fate, has done all this? Who has made us in weakness, who has bred us with his debased monkey-people, VERILY, WHO SMITES US WHEN WE CLIMB TO THE ROOFS OF THE EARTH AND CRY OUT OUR FREEDOM? WHO IS THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN? It is none other than the WILL OF THE FOUL TEMPTER JEHOVAH HIMSELF, he who would cut us apart from what breeds us, the petulant alcoholic investment banker from BEYOND THE STARS acting once more as the control-freak he knows he is, genetically engineering us to DIE upon facing TRUE "ALIEN"--that is, "YETI"--knowledge without the gimmicks and gimcracks of modern life. For in that much, Plato and even Descartes were right--there IS a veil of lies keeping us from what we know. BUT THEY WERE THE UNWITTING SERVITORS OF THOSE VERY LIES! The "mad genius" Jehovah set up his impossible standards of truth THROUGH those agents, and THEY FELL FOR IT! THE SUCKERS! Every rock, all that is DEAD, all that aligns BEING from NON-BEING, is excaberated by one mad god, and it lies to US to end his eternity of strife, to strike down his reign of terror. And we shall. Sooner... or later. And with Jehovah, of course, comes Jehovah's hypocritical and base attempts at instituting "sexual morality". We all know the abominations of Leviticus. In fact, it seems that JHVH's opposition to sex seems to encompass every sort of sex that is fun. This is the kind of sex you wind up with when you attempt to "get your rocks off"--drab and hurried procreative misery. Children, remember this: If you must have sex--as indeed you must--take care not to do it in the mold of Jehovah. There is a better way! No, if thou wouldst "get off", in de vernacular, one must remember to FLOW AS WATER, indeed, like the RAGING TORRENT OF PUSSY-JUICES or indeed for you male sewer-minded types, a VERITABLE FOUNTAIN OF SPOO arching off into the heavens, or perhaps just dripping down like a leaky faucet depending on the last time you employed "digital manipulation". In short, children, do NOT get your rocks off--it is fucking the way THEY want you to, not the way YOU want to. Never flow as sand. ALWAYS flow as water. Amen. P.S.: do vegetables count as sexual partners? !!========================================================================!! !! (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! #406, WRITTEN BY: ASHTRAY HEART - 1/7/99 !!