[--------------------------------------------------------------------------] ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #616 `888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8 888 888 888 888 888 "The Picnic Channel" 888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8 888 888 888 888 888 " by Oregano 888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 5/9/99 o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8 [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] Late at night, when light from the sun is blocked by the giant known as Earth, there blows the solar wind. The atmosphere becomes ionized and the satellites circling the dark side of the world become erratic. At such times strange channels flicker in and out of the normal cable choices. Up at 4 a.m. to take anti-biotics, fighting off strep, I sit in front of the TV to make myself drowsy enough to fall back asleep. As my eyelids flutter open, flutter closed, the Picnic Channel appears before me. Here is what I see. Children's Picnic. A morning show with furry muppet-like characters on a perpetual picnic who get into all sorts of adventures. One show they might climb a tree, another find a cave. They sing a lot of songs and play games and learn to play fair. Learning the alphabet and counting are important to the morning picnicers Sunrise Picnic. A show which encourages picnics in the early morning, especially those early enough to watch the sun glide above the horizon. Watching the sun rise gets the day off right, you see the day born, the way God meant it to be; you'd not sleep through the first 3 years of your child's life, so why would you sleep through the first 3 hours of the newborn day? The Fancy Pattern A show about picnic blankets and other important picnic cloths. Morning Picnic This is like a Regis and Kathy Lee show but set out in a lovely, green picnic land. Each morning celebrity guests join Mike and Johana at the picnic, (though admittedly rather minor celebrities). Plus lots of chefs and outdoor specialists and craft experts. Time management gurus show ways to add picnicing hours to even the busiest life. Every Friday the Gadget Guy shows up with new tools and gadgets to make your picnicing simpler and more enjoyable. Relax! Life's a picnic! Basket of Bounty. A cooking show tailored to the needs of the picnicer. How to keep food fresh, plus new food ideas, and other exciting looks at picnic fare. Season of Love. A show somewhat remniscent of the Love Boat. A crew of professional picnicers welcome each week a new love stuck couple and through the magic of picnics bring the two hearts together. This week's show: They were a couple in college who separated after graduation and made divergent lives for themselves. He is a rising young exec in a securities firm who has never taken more than 20 minutes for lunch on his long climb up the corporate world. She is a dog trainer who is in complete touch with herself. One magic day they run into each other by accident when he is assigned to take to the shelter a stray dog that got loose in his corporate headquarters and she is in the same shelter to pick up a dog of hers that ran away. There is a magic between them after all the time elapsed and they agree to get together for lunch. She says that it is important that they have a special picnic lunch with so many years to catch up on. He balks, but a few days later after thinking it over he agrees to the picnic. Our regular cast comes to the picture and sets up a picnic so romantic and zany that it can never be forgotten. The picnic changes the man's life and he quits his job the next day and opens up his own bait shop. The couple lives happily ever after. Movie of the Week. "The Perfect Picnic" A mother and daughter plan on having the perfect picnic but the mother dies of horrible cancer before they can make their plans come alive. The daughter weeps for a half hour of TV time and finally decides that she has to go on the picnic by herself to honor her mother and complete her grief. The perfect picnic involves a trip to Yellowston National Park in the heart of spring and a picnic in the famous daffodil fields. This movie features some of the most stunning aerial picnic sweeps yet captured for a TV audience. PicnicCenter An end of the day look at picnic news which wraps up any picnic stories that viewers have followed all day. The ions lose their energy and the erratic satellites come under the full glare of a new day's sun and resume their transmissions of the Golf Channel and Emeril Live. I wake up to light slicing through my venetian blinds. I get up and go to my dark bedroom to finish a last few hours of sleep before the alarm blares. [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #616 - WRITTEN BY: OREGANO - 5/9/99 ]