[--------------------------------------------------------------------------] ooooo ooooo .oooooo. oooooooooooo HOE E'ZINE RELEASE #684 `888' `888' d8P' `Y8b `888' `8 888 888 888 888 888 "The Voice Of My Conscience" 888ooooo888 888 888 888oooo8 888 888 888 888 888 " by Ashtray Heart 888 888 `88b d88' 888 o 6/14/99 o888o o888o `Y8bood8P' o888ooooood8 [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] You ever have voices that talk to you in the middle of the night? Course you do. What do they tell you? My middle-of-the-night voice says "It's 3 AM. Fucking go back to sleep, will you? You have work in the morning, you know." To which I say "No. I gotta pee." It then says "OK, go fucking pee already. I had a really great dream going on and now you're fucking the whole thing up. Hurry up." Anyway, my mocking condemning voices never come to me in my sleep. My sleep is always blissful and profound. It's the waking hours that present difficulty, because they never wind up nearly as damn cool as my dreams. Then my voices say, "Why can't something cool happen, like Fonzie showing up or Magma playing a concert with Roger Waters? Why don't you write something interesting, or get laid, or something? Your dreams are so cool--why do you have to act so fucking BORING? Shit. Just forget it. Go back to sleep. Or daydream and forget what you're doing. You're really bad at trying to make your dreams real, you know that?" And then I say "Fuck off. Here are the batting average scores for the entire 1928 Chicago Cubs." And that shuts it up for a while. But then it says "No, look, you got a great idea for a book here. An update to "Psychopathia Sexualis". Look, here's a justification of it: Krafft-Ebbing's seminal "Psychopathia Sexualis" has been a bible of sexual deviations for generations. But no similarly exhaustive work has come out since then. Why is this? Is there a shortage of deviations nowadays? No! Certainly this is unlikely, as the rise of the Internet has allowed us to view a range of sexual deviations broader than we could ever have thought possible previously. Has everything in the realm of sex been depathologized? If so, for shame! The men and women today see quirks as something to accept as they are; they are taught blind unreasoning embrace of a partial self. Introspection? Strictly verboten; you might discover things about yourself you don't like. No, the only way for a person to be "mentally healthy" in the eyes of some people is to be ignorant of their true selves. There are plenty of examples of people doing strange things, and while those strange things might not exactly be pathological, they are nonetheless often indicative on some difficulty on the part of the "sufferer" (strictly speaking, this term is most applicable to masochistic perversions, as most of the perverts discussed here thoroughly enjoy their behavior on some level), and understanding what causes them to do the things they do might help them understand their priorities and their capacity for human enjoyment. So, then. We are not saying that the cases outlined below are examples of things "wrong" or "bad". They might even give you ideas of fun things to try in your own bedroom. They are, instead, examples of the extremes sexual behavior can go to, and how sexual behavior can reflect on other areas of life. The authors hope you shall take it as such. Some preliminary sample entries: 1. Leonard W. Leonard lived a fairly normal life, developmentally and sexually, up until his 37th birthday, with the exception of his profession. Leonard was a heterosexual male nurse at a time when male nurses were almost universally homosexual. He could hardly have been ignorant of this fact, but never mentioned it, and took great pains in later life to avoid the subject of his former career altogether. Indeed, he could be said to have been scrupulously moral--married, two kids, the whole lot. On his 37th birthday, however, an unknown acquaintance took him to see a porno movie. Then and there, Leonard decided he had a new career. Leonard decided to embark on a career as a porn producer. When he announced this to his wife, she reacted by leaving with the children and filing for divorce. This only strengthened Leonard's resolve, and despite his lack of background in film, in no time he had built up a reputation as a producer of quality porn, full of the "slick" production values popular at the time. Leonard seldom appeared in these himself--he knew that as a balding, paunchy, long-haired 40-year-old with a five-inch penis, he could not possibly make it as a "porno star". The few times he did appear (which is how we have knowledge of his unadorned penis length) it was as a groveling slave in a "female domination" video. (Note that Leonard was not, as far as anyone knows, a sadomasochist.) He envied his male stars, despite their protests of the drawbacks to having a monster schlong, and eventually decided to have penis enlargement surgery. This by itself would not be notable. But over the course of the next few years, he would have a total of EIGHT surgeries, bringing his penis to a total length of twenty-two inches. And this by itself would be sordid, but the fact that truly puts this case over the top is the discoloration. Leonard did not get his "enhancements" from reputable penis- enlargement surgeons (if such a thing, indeed, exists). Though the penis enhancements were functional in every way, and Leonard was said to enjoy the sensation they provided, the coloration was invariably decidedly not in keeping with the color of the rest of his skin. The effect was described in one industry porno reviewer as "moldy polystyrene". The phrase stuck, and from then on in Leonard would be indeliably associated "moldy polystyrene". The enlargements were, in fact, partially intended to correct the color. But every time he went in for a surgery, the penis got larger and the colors got more lurid. Otherwise a canny businessman, Leonard did not even consider going to another surgeon, even after it became clear that the surgeons in question were bilking him for all he had and playing a rather grotesque prank on him in the process. Leonard would hear none of it. He pointed out how the surgeries had deformed his penis so badly that he was at hardly any risk for AIDS, while all his contemporaries were dying. He pointed out how good his cock felt. In the end, the surgeons were the only people he trusted. No one is certain whether his mysterious death in 1995 had anything to do with his many penile surgeries (one is loath to call surgery on this scale "enhancement"), but it appears the surgeons were not taking any chances. They disappeared without trace the day BEFORE Leonard's death. 2. The Engorgement Fetishists. This is not an example of an extraordinary perversion belonging to a single person, but rather an odd collective perversion, one of many that have thrived with the rise of the Internet. In this case, a rather sizable fan base has grown up around the concept of a man being completely encased in a woman's body. It has spawned several "fan" websites and a Usenet newsgroup, but no commercial pornography as of yet. The basic theme is of a woman, whose body may or may not be proportionately swelled, with a man having entered, feet first, through her uterus. This is mostly presented through artistic representations of all varieties. Sometimes the woman is slender, and sometimes every telltale lump of the male body is present, except, notably, the penis. Perhaps it is prudery or perhaps something entirely different, but no hint of a penis can be seen in any of these drawings. Often a male head can be seen sticking out from the woman's vagina. Attention is also drawn to the woman's breasts and legs; the latter are often awkwardly akimbo, while the former often seem as if they are about to slide off her body on the sides, as if they were made of conical heaps of mercury. Facial expressions vary greatly, from total confidence and mastery on the woman's half to total humiliation; from embarassment to oddly serene composure on the man's part. Prose fiction exists on this topic, as well, mostly centering around a man's efforts to consensually insert his entire body into a woman's vagina--either a woman he knows and loves dearly, or a complete stranger who strikes his fancy. Obviously, misogynistic overtones can be drawn from this, as well as infantilism overtones. Still, one wonders how such a thing can spread so widely and with such obvious compassion. 3. Sven M. Sven, a single European immigrant in his mid-20s, is well within the range of normalcy sexually in every way but one. Every month he goes out to the woods and hunts for a squat branch section with exactly the same circumference as his penis. He then inserts the stick in his rectum every time he wishes to obtain an erection, and claims this is the only way he can achieve an erection. Once inserted, Sven can maintain an erection for lengthy periods of time with no apparent effort until he reaches orgasm or the stick is removed. Sven regards this as perfectly normal, and was not recommended to our office for sexual difficulties, but from a rash that resulted from the sticks used. When questioned, Sven told us that part of his penis was removed without his permission by the mad doctor who birthed him. The mad doctor then bequeathed the missing penis section to the spirits of the woodland. Every month he has to go out into the woods and find the missing section of his penis in order to be able to use it, because the magic the doctor employed on him transfers the penis to a different branch every month. When asked how he chooses, Sven responded "You'd know your own dick if you saw it, wouldn't you, doc?" Additionally, Sven is afraid that putting the wrong branch in his rectum would change the size and shape of his penis. He claims that he has lost a quarter inch in penis girth in this manner. That these two statements do not reconcile does not register with him. Sven's explanation of the origin of his difficulties obviously has some likeness to the circumcision story, except that, being a European gentile by birth, Sven is not circumcised. Investigation of the incidents surrounding his birth turned up no apparent medical anomalies. The origin of his delusions in this case remain a mystery. After evaluation, it was determined that Sven's actions in all other matters were eminently rational and, since his delusions posed no imminent danger to himself or others, he was released from custody with an intensive program of sexual counseling recommended. We have not seen him since. And then I say "No, look, I don't want to write all that shit down! That would take HOURS! I want to download some more porno, or something!" "Wake up. There are 26 pictures in alt.binaries.pictures.victoria- secret. Get off IRC. Stop checking your email. WRITE SOMETHING." Finally I do, but it takes me several months, the result is hopelessly self-referential, and I'm not very satisfied with the results. [--------------------------------------------------------------------------] [ (c) !LA HOE REVOLUCION PRESS! HOE #684-WRITTEN BY: ASHTRAY HEART-6/14/99 ]