----------------------------------------------------------------------------- úú ú ú ú úú ú ú ú úú úùù ú ù ú .e#, úú ú ù úú ù ú ùù úúú úù ú ù úú ù úùù ùù;;ùùùù:ùù ,aS$$$$`,e#S$$%, ,a#Sý"$#e, .e#Sý"$@s, ,a#Sý"$#e, ùùù:ùù;:ù. .;:ii;:;;i;;: ý$$$$ý&$$$ý `$$S,&$$$$ `$$$…d$$$$ "$$$…$$$$Se,`$$$… :;i;:ii;; iiiIIiiiiIii g,$$$$ ý$$$ $$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$ $$$$ggggg "ýSSe, iIiiIIi :::ii:;; ,eS$ý"$$$$$ ý$S, S$$$"$$$$, S$$$`$$$$, $$$$"$$$$, $$$$& ;i:;ii:: ùùù;:ùù &$$$ ù $$$$ ùù`"S$#ý"`ùùù"ýS$ `$&ý"ùù"ýS$#e$$$$#a"ý&$#,$#ý" ùù;ùù:;ùù úúùùú $$$$, $$$$ sc!ú úù ùù ú ù ú úúú ùú `"ý$S ` ùùúú ù ú ùú ùùú úú "$$$Sa,#S$ý ú úú ú ú úú ú ú úú `"ý#$S"` ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Copyright and contact information is located at the bottom of this magazine. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jonas E'Zine Volume 2, Issue 7 :: November 25, 1996 In this issue.. 1. Edicius' Editorial 2. Jonas News and Information - by Tom Sullivan 3. Underage Drinking [essay] - by Auren Hoffman 4. On School Censorship [reprint] 5. Stairs [story] - by Jestapher 6. Simon the Ant [story] - by Jeff Brayne 7. Poetry - Various Writers 8. Reviews - by Tom Sullivan 9. End Notes, Contact & Copyright Information ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Edicius' Editorial ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- I remember a day when things were much simpler. Time flew by in an absurd matter. Instead of girls & work & school & responsibilities, all that was on your mind was going to your friend's house to play a game of wiffleball in his backyard. You didn't need money to hang out; you got change from your mom and bought a dozen pieces of Bazooka just to see how many you could get in your mouth at one time. You bought the MC Hammer album on tape, and you thought that life couldn't get any better then that. Then suddenly, maturity struck. You were expected to behave: wiffleball games became sparse, you knew that you could blow your fingers off with fireworks, and your jaw hurt from one too many grape-flavored Bazookas. ------------------------ I was about 10 years old, and I was walking through the woods near my house with my best friend. We found a porno magazine that the 'big kids' left around. I remember looking at it and saying, "do I have one of THOSE?" Me and my friend ripped the magazine up because we didn't want to get caught with it. A few days later, some 'big kids' asked us if we found a magazine in the woods. I told them that we did, and that we disposed of it. Needless to say, my face would have been mush if I didn't run like the dickens. I remember riding my bike really fast and doing jumps off of dirt hills and not caring whether or not I got hurt. I was 10, I was immortal. Wounds could not hurt me! I would pick at the scabs and mosquito bites. They were building these houses near my house. So, they had the land all dug up and they made these really big hills. I rode my bike down one, and tried to ride up another one. Instead of making it up, I did a backflip and landed square on my back. The kids looked at me oddly and said how cool that trick was. I went home and cried like a woman. I would be afraid to ride my bike certain places. I wouldn't want to go to the local strip mall, or past certain parks. There were 'big kids' there. You know, the really big 14 and 15 year olds. They would say stuff to me, because I was younger. So, I tried to avoid them whenever possible. ------------------------ Today, I don't rip up and 'adult' magazines that I may find, I keep them. I would be happy if I could find a magazine with articles like "EROTIC FASHIONS FOR YOUR HARD DRIVE (pictorial)". I can stand at that same hill, and look down at the ground. The ground can be ten feet away, but you will seem so small. In a few years you were taught about infections & broken bones and all that really nasty stuff. That hill now owns you, you're never riding your bike down it again. I was eating a bagel at a shopping center with one of my friends. I saw these alterpreteens walking by the stores, and I remembered when I was that age and I was afraid of the kids that were sitting there looking at me while they ate a bagel. I was scared of _myself_. ------------------------ You grow up, and you lose that innocence that early age brings. You're so innocent, because you just don't know better. Until you actually pay attention in school, and learn about things that can hurt you, do you get scared. It was cool to skin your knee after you fell off your bike after you nearly hit that really low branch from that tree that you fell out of last week. So, each time you rode your bike past that tree, you wouldn't slow down. That was a victory scar, that pain meant nothing when compared to the glory and satisfaction you got when your friends looked at the puss coming from the wound and high fived you. You were fuckin' god to the other nine year olds. How I long for the days before I discovered masturbation. Those times when you were so young and innocent and simplistic. You had an _attention span_. MTV and Comedy Central didn't rot your mind yet, you were still watching _Pinwheel_ on Nickelodeon. You didn't need a computer game with real life animations and statistics and blood and gore and violence and girls in really skimpy outfits, you would look at your brother's Atari and gawk. You always have to give something up to gain something new. You may gain maturity and knowledge, but you have to give up innocence and simplicity. The hill still stands there, with a bunch of new nine and ten year olds, daring each other to go faster and faster and cheering each other on with each new infection. I wish I could stand near them, and share in that magic for one more moment, but they would probably be scared and run away. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Jonas News and Information - compiled by Edicius ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Contrary to popular belief, we're not dead! I burned myself out with Jonas. I was trying to do too much, and I needed a break. So, I figured I'd take a break and release a new issue of Jonas in early October. No good, that little break I took coincided with a depression & laziness rut, that led to severe writers block. But, I've overcome the writer's block, and I'm here again. We've had a lot of great press lately, so I'd like to thank Melanie Franklin and the New Museum of Contemporary Art for their exhibit on youth media. I've gotten a lot of great feedback from people who've visited the exhibit. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to go into the exhibit myself, but I've heard that it's wonderfully done. On November 2, I became aware that Katherine Cavanaugh wrote an article & review on the exhibit for MSNBC, and there was a favorable mention of Jonas e'Zine in that. Heck, she even opened up the article describing Jonas. I'm really happy with that, and for her favorable review of the event in general. Send email to me (edi@cybercomm.net), and give me your mailing address. I'll send you a set of Jonas stickers in the mail. Be the first on your block to get a set of the second printing of the official Jonas sticker! Otherwise, everything else is the same. All the contact information is located at the bottom of the file. Have a good day. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Underage Drinking - by Auren Hoffman ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ It is hard to be a law abiding citizen these days. Many laws make little sense. Like most people, I J-Walk all the time. I also ride my bike on the sidewalks. One law I do not break anymore is underage drinking. But I confess, I used to break that law at least twice a week. Between the ages of 18 and 21, I consumed more alcohol then I probably will between the ages of 21 and 40! In those three years, my first three in college, drinking is an accepted form of socializing. Now I'm not condoning getting totally plastered or using alcohol as an excuse to break more serious rules, but drinking happens. I can only speak for myself, but now that I'm 22, I feel less inclined to drink. Maybe it's because I'm more mature, but I doubt that. I think it is because it's legal. There's no allure to drinking anymore. There's no drama, no excitement, no tension, and no fear. Now it is only alcohol. Fact: American college students drink excessively Fact: Most American college students who drink excessively are underage Fiction: Drinking age laws prevent students from drinking. In fact, drinking age limits promote the use of alcohol. The two biggest responsibilities one has are parenthood and voting, in that order. Notice I did not include "drinking alcohol." It takes a far more responsible person to raise a child or to vote for President than to drink a beer. But at age 18, one can be a parent and a voter but cannot buy a bottle of wine for a neighbor. Seems odd. Our politicians of infinite wisdom shows their priorities when they claim that at age 18 one is responsible to vote but not responsible to drink. By inference, politicians are telling us that it takes more responsibility to drink than to vote. No wonder Americans are so apathetic about politics; our leaders no longer believe in us. Of course, the old saying still rings true. If you're old enough to shipped half-way around the world and take a bullet in the brain for our country, you are certainly old enough to drink a toast with your family before you leave. SUMMATION: Though it has good intentions, the 21 year old drinking age should be lowered to 18. When you're 18 you can smoke, vote, drive, marry, be a parent, run for most local offices, serve in the armed forces, legally establish a business, sign a contract, and enforce the law. But in most states you cannot drink. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ On School Censorship ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Reprinted from the Asbury Park Press, 11/25/96 ---------------------------------------------- (From the Opinion/Letters to the Editor page) _School Journalists Fight Censorship_ As a junior in high school, it has become obvious to me that censorship has become a major issue in many school publications. With today's students facing so many potential problems with drugs, AIDS, and teen pregnancies, we as young journalists see a need to report these stories. So why is it that we are being kept from reporting these facts? There are problems all around us that the school administrations of this country can't see. Sometimes only the students know what is really going on concerning drug abuse and other illegal activities. School officials can't see some problems because students aren't allowed to expose the facts, and if we do, we can't print them in official school publications. I think the public has the right to know all the facts, both good and bad, about a school. We as students have no real "freedom of the press," because we are not considered to be actual citizens until the age of 18, and even then we are forced to conform to the regulations of the school administration. There have been many documented cases involving students and school administrations. In one precedent-setting case, Hazelwood School District vs. Kuhlmeier, school journalism suffered a massive blow. This case gave the school administration the last word involving what does and does not get published. Basically, once a student enters the school-house doors, they forfeit their freedom of speech. Of course, as student journalists, we know not to ever print libelous material, things in bad taste or anything not substantiated. Not only are we censored from covering certain volatile topics, we are also prevented from expressing ourselves in creative forums as well. Literary magazines and yearbooks are also subject to censorship by school officials. Most schools are too sports oriented. They should start advocating the benefits of higher learning and thinking skills. We are shying away from a once-stressed cognitive society to conform to a nation of perfect bodies and sports heroes. All too often, citizens allow themselves to be told how to live and in turn, what to write. Students need to fight for freedom of speech, because we are our only line of defense against censorship. Joe Gioe Jackson Township ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Stairs - by Jestapher ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Living on the bottom half of our two story house, I ventured up the stairs nearly every day. A long rectangular handrail hung from the left wall of the stairwell and soft, thick brown carpet graced the stairs themselves. Upstairs lived my older brother in a tiny room originally referred to as a den. My older sister partitioned off half of the living room and claimed it as her own, leaving a significantly smaller living room in her wake. The only other room was a small bathroom the two second story inhabitants shared. Conquering the stairs opened up a world of excitement, joy, happiness, pleasure and bliss. In other words, the Nintendo lived upstairs. We crushed King Koopa and rescued the Princess countless times, but it never lost its appeal. We spent hours making and racing on custom tracks for Excitebike. The only gun we were allowed to play with shot down thousands of ducks while playing Duck Hunt, but we never failed to shoot the dog when it laughed at us for missing a duck or two. We never thought that shooting a Gumshoe to make him fly, catch balloons and avoid various obstacles was pointless or boring. Because the Magical World of Nintendo lived upstairs, we never thought twice about journeying up the long flight. One day, as usual, I climbed the stairs, only to find that my older sister wasn't pleased about my entrance into her domain. It happened often, but usually her anger died down, controllers were picked up and contests were initiated. For some reason, she was very adamant in her desire to have me leave that day. She and I stood on the three-foot section of flat floor that lay atop the stairs before the doorway to the living room. We argued while she blocked the whole entrance way, arms outstretched touching both sides of the stairwell. I tried to barge my way in, but she resisted. Due to the fact that I was twelve years old and she was fourteen, her rippling muscles and calcium-rich bones bested me. I tried numerous times to break through the roadblock of a sister, but she persisted. On my last attempt, she put an end to my uprising. With a push, I fell backwards and hit the side of the staircase. Still off balance, I slipped off the wall and started rolling, falling, careening down the stairs. As I bounced off every stair, I thought to myself, "Ow, this hurts." Whenever friends stayed the night at our house, we would ride down the stairs using pillow padded sleeping bags as toboggans, stopping only when we hit the wall at the base of the stairs. It was great fun and we laughed the whole way down, but this experience was different. I derived no such elation from being thrown down twenty feet of stairs. I laid on my back at the bottom of stairs, thinking to myself, "Ow, this really hurts." I had some bruises and a headache, but no serious injuries. I could see and hear my sister at the top of the stairs laughing at me, not a laugh that said "Haha, I almost broke your neck," but a laugh that said "Haha, I can't believe you were so stupid as to fall down the stairs." While indisposed on the first story of our two story house, I took the opportunity to do some pondering. I realized that if I was ever in that same situation, I would either have to be stronger than my sister or just concede to the dominant powers of the second story. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Simon The Ant :: by Jeff Brayne ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Part One: Simon has a bad day at School --------------------------------------- Simon was contemplating suicide one day. He felt he did not fit into the ant society. He did not get along with girls. He had no friends. He had a bad case of acne. His feet were too big and his clothes didn't fit. His only solace in life was to listen to a band called The Smits. The Smits were an androgynous, 80's New Wave ant band. He liked to masturbate to The Smits. He also thought of termites while masturbating. He did not know why these things comforted him and decided to find out. He stayed after ant school to talk to his teacher.. "Sir, I feel that I have a problem." "And what problem might you have, Simon?" "I feel different from all of the other ants." "And why is that a problem, Simon?" "It's the way that I feel different, sir." "And how are you different, Simon?" "I only feel solace from masturbating to The Smit's album 'Louder Than Prawns'." "And why do you feel this is a problem, simon?" "I'm not quite sure, sir." "What other problems might you have, Simon?" "I also think of termites." "Well you wait here, Simon. I'll be right back." Simon waited in the room for at least 15 minutes. He became excited at the prospect of being helped with his problems. He dreamt of many scenarios where the teacher brought his self esteem to 100%. He would finally be great! He would finally succeed! Just then the teacher came back into the room with three other teachers. They, wielding bats, shouted 'DIE HOMO!' and proceeded to beat Simon to death. Simon was never faced with the challenging decision of committing suicide. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Poetry - Various Writers ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Enforcer - by Jeff Brayne If I was Clint Eastwood I would travel the world, I would beat on some people, I would pick up some girls. I would give someone the evil eye, not speak much and never cry. I would wield a pistol bigger than me, squint my eyes so I couldn't see. Lift some weights to stay in shape, make a move with an ape. With cunning, valor, strength and courage, I'd make this rotten world's life flourish. If Charles Bronson was me I would drive really fast, shoot at White Buffalo and Kill with a Cast. I'd blow up a train and be the best damn Mechanic this world has yet seen, wreaking much havoc. I'm not sure if I could make it with Clint, co-star in a role two people who squint. Fighting and cussing and riding our horses, surviving the routine of many divorces. If a team could be formed, of all-star proportion. I shudder at the thought of defining this notion. Lee Marvin and Arnold and of the two I just spoke, the James Bond's and John Wayne doing Moliere's The Misanthrope. Jan Michael and Gary Busey will surf to rescue of perennial rye grass and drought resistant fescue. This world might be safe for 112 minutes, but would face dilemma at the end of the credits. ----- Please, call me (the loser) - by Jeff Brayne The call that never came Sometimes I feel like not calling her and I wait. My secret life demands precedence, the hard guy that longs to pretend, and takes over my emotions and turns them out. I make her wait because I am afraid. This I can only admit to paper. She is waiting for me and gets pissed so she doesn't call. I then call her when I get home and she doesn't answer. I leave a message and then wait for the call that never comes. ----- draft-ridden abductions - by Eerie liposucked babe gotta blow job your brains riot whistle random high pitched sounds that small private area soiled with drains of plural toys & outdated electronic counterparts & the terrible silence of sixty-nine dead days much waste ----- garage - by Eerie such a large amount of unborn square miles air blast shiny trash i got a nickel falling on the wood floor & the sound it makes gets lost revolves constantly blatant stink i'm over an immense degree of life just stigmatas nothing really noticeable scar fields the wind blows ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reviews - by Tom Sullivan ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- CDs/LPs ------------------ Weezer, _Pinkerton_ (DGC/Geffen Records) Two years in the making, and a lot of work behind them, I'm sure Weezer is very pleased with the success of this record. Many weren't sure if the band could match the success of their 1994 hit debut album, but it seems that the fans have well-received this new disc. Rivers Cuomo, lead singer and songwriter for the band, doesn't divert from the general theme of the band's first album. Again, it's majorly about love and girls. He explores falling in love with a lesbian ("Pink Triangle), the torment of not being in a real love relationship ("Tired of Sex"), and he discovers love halfway across the world ("Across the Sea"). The songs are catchy and a bit harder-edged then on the debut album. They may be a bit more complex, and shows the refinement and maturity that the band has gained since it first hit the national music scene in '94. There are many more comparisons to be drawn between _Pinkerton_ and their debut album, but that would be insane to compare the two any further. The songs tell stories that pry into the inner thoughts of Rivers' mind. His views on girls and love and relationships are clearly shown here. The centerpiece of this fantastic album is the semi-acoustic ballad, "Across the Sea". It stands out, lyrically and musically. The song tells about a girl that wrote Rivers, and they share their foreign lives with each other. Her culture is new to Rivers, and he asks her questions that he wants to know ("I wonder how you touch yourself at night?"), and she asks the questions that she wants to know ("My hobbies, my favorite food, and my birthday"). The band has matured in the last two years; from a Los Angeles-based garage band, to a nationally known music act. The years of hard work have paid off, and it looks like Weezer will be leading a great music scene into the future. This album is fantastic in every aspect. It will easily go down as the best album release of the year. Weezer has done a great job, and this disc won't be leaving my player for a long time. ----- Yontz Sucre, _Electric Jam_ (BuzzJam Music) This is a good instrumental rock album. Yontz Sucre is a very powerful guitarist, combing a mixture of influences, from Jimi Hendrix to Jim Thayil, and training in jazz and wind instruments to create a very dynamic playing style. Yontz displays his wide range of musical styles by offering the listener a mixture of soft and hard rock, jazz, and heavy metal. He gives us the jazz-rock "Cashbah", and the heavier "The War", along with other rock pieces, like "Blue Breeze" and the Jimi Hendrix cover, "Little Wing." ($10 ppd., BuzzJam Music, PO Box 30773, Raleigh, NC 27622) ----- Blue Yard Garden, _On The Galaxy_ (SMD Records/BYG Music) The Songwriters Association of Washington DC recently selected Blue Yard Garden's "Mornings Over" as "Alternative Song of the Year", undoubtly so. Rockvile, Maryland's Blue Yard Garden blends the different influences of the six members to form a clean sound, alternative rock with a blues edge. The influences of the band members range from jazz and R&B, to alternative and classical music. The different styles and influences come together to give the listener a good and relaxed album to listen to. All of the songs on this CD are good. It's simple, laid back, blues rock. Soft, smooth, and incredibly sweet. This is just a perfect album. If you're looking for a new blues sound, this band and album is well worth the buy. (BYG Music, PO Box 536, Rockville, MD 20848) ------------------ Zines ------------------ Terki, Number 1 (4 1/4 x 5 1/2, $1.00, PO Box 1263, Maplewood, NJ 07040) A very good looking print 'zine, without much quality inside. I love the layout, the editors did a good job on that aspect. However, on the story side of things, they aren't so good. Stories that are trying to be so wacky that you laugh out loud, but they lose the funniness in the wackiness, and come out plain dumb. There were a few things in here that I did like, such as "Studebaker" and the Deep Thoughts-esque "Alienation." ----- Breathe e'Zine, Issue 1 (email: marc@netlabs.net) A new e'Zine with a lot of potential. Belial, the editor of Breathe, was formally involved with Slinky and Jonas, and has a deal of writing experience behind him. Though a bit on the short side, this first issue of Breathe shows a lot of potential, and should evolve in a very nicely done e'zine. There's a bit on the Pagan religion, and a good fantasy story in here. ------ Relish e'Zine, Issues 5 & 6 (http://www.pla-net.net/corp/zineworld/relish, email: relish@juno.com) These two issues of my favorite 'zine came out close to each other, and they came out of the blue. After a hiatus in printing (like, uh, I've done), Relish came back with two spectacular issues. tMM touches on mass media, his school's (Samford University) decision to close their beloved radio station, his friends and his life in Alabama. There is a good political essay by Mercuri, and an excellent election rant by Deepak. One of my favorite writers, Kojak, has an interesting "Guide To Love", including a breakdown of what your favorite color means to your sex life. Issue Six is the Halloween Special. There is more fiction compared to issue five's all-essay format. There are a few good pieces by tMM's friend Steve, and tMM himself has a great Halloween Ghost story involving the gang from Scooby-Doo and there is the "Halloween Candy Tips", written by tMM. Both of these issues are simply incredible. Relish has proven itself to be an amazing magazine, and it insures that position with two solid issues. As tMM says in his editorial in Issue Five, "People love Relish more then David Hasselhoff!" ----- The Last Word, Vol. 4, no. 23 (http://members.iglou.com/bathroom) It looks like this may be the last issue of The Last Word, the long running leftist political e'zine from the grand state of Kentucky. I've always loved Bathroom Bandits rants on every aspect of the political structure, from the national to the local level. This issue features his thoughts on the elections, and their impact on the local and global scene. TLW also has an assortment of other pieces, including BathroomB's thoughts on Dick Armey, a Kentucky Polution Law, the Violent Youth Predator Act, and other cases of injustice handed down by the government in the local news. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ending Notes ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Another issue of Jonas is done, I hope you enjoyed it. I'm back to a regular release schedule, so I expect another issue of Jonas out before Christmas. In January, I'm going to the Netherlands for two weeks. Expect a super-dooper issue in February with my first ever travel diary! I'm going to finally see Weezer in a few days, hopefully I'll hang with them and get an interview. We'll find out. Send me feedback on this issue, and tell me how you like it. Jonas loves you all. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Contact & Copyright Information ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jonas e'Zine Volume 2, Issue 7 is Copyright (c) 1996 by Jonas Productions, all rights reserved. Copyrights to stories, articles, artwork, and photographs are property of their creators, unless otherwise noted. The contents of this publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part without the express written consent of the copyright owner. Jonas may be freely distributed as long as this notice remains in place. Means of contacting Jonas Productions: email - edi@cybercomm.net (edicius/main address) marc@netlabs.net (belial) www - http://www.cybercomm.net/~edi/jonas.html ftp - ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/Jonas irc - look for _edi or edi_ on EfNet IRC If you run a 'zine or a record label, and you're intersted in having it reviewed in an upcoming issue of Jonas, please email edi@cybercomm.net for our mailing address. ---eof-----------------------------------------------------------------eof---