°°°± °°°± °± °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°± °°± °± °°± °°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°± °°± °°°± °°°± °°°°°°°°± °°°°± °°°°°°°°± °± °°± °°°± °°°± °°°°°°°°± °°°°± °°°°°°°°± °°°± °°± °°°± °°°± °°°°°°°°± °°°°°°± °°°°°°°°± °± °°± °°°°°°°°± °°°°°°°°± °°°°°°± °°°°°°°°± °°± °°°°°°± [MiLK] °°°°°°°°± °°°°°°± °°°°°°°°± °°± °°°°°± File #30 °°°°°°°°± °°°°°°°°± °°°°°°°°± °± °± °°°°°°± °°°°°°°°± °°°°°°± °°°°°°°°± °°°± °°°°°°°± °°°°°°°°± °°°°°°± °°°°°°± °°°± °°°°°°°± °°°± °°°± °°± °°± °°°± °°°± °°°± °°°± °°°± °°°± °± °± °°± Easy Ways To Shock Your Parents =============================== By Biff Thelmus Bonglemeister III (not responsible) Imagine that after a hard day of school your parents tell you to mow the lawn, now you are pissed off and tired and want to go to sleep, smoke some pot, and go to your girlfriend's/boyfriend's house and get laid, well the easiest way is to shock your parents to death. (1) Easy Shock Treatment You come home from school and proudly announce to your parents that you are flunking every class in school. If this does not shock them, or is not sufficient to induce cardiac arrest, continue to step (2). (2) Easy to Moderate Shock Treatment Now inform your parents that due to your bad grades, and the fact that your teachers are all bitches/assholes, you have decided to drop out of school and go to work. If this is not enough, continue to (3). (3) Moderate Shock Treatment Now tell your loving mum and pop that you are going to work as a paid prostitute on Rush St. and that your pimp is your former history teacher. If this is still not enough, continue to (4). (4) Moderate to Sharp Shock Treatment Your next step is to tell your parents that since male prostitutes make no money, you are going to be a transvestite prostitute (if you are female, skip to (5)). Continue to (5) unless they drop dead. (5) Sharp Shock Treatment Tell your parents that (a)(for guys) you got your English teacher pregnant, or (b)(for girls) you yourself are pregnant, with your English teacher's baby. The sex of the English teacher is irrelevant. (6) Extreme Shock Treatment Tell your parents that just yesterday, you celebrated your new baby by having hot sex with this English teacher, on stage during a school assembly. (7) Sadistic Shock Treatment Inform your catatonic parents that you still have a dildo stuck up your ass from this experience. For some parents, you may have to first explain just what the heck a dildo is. (8) I-Wouldn't-Do-This-To-Rush-Limbaugh Shock Treatment For an encore, tell your parents that you are taking the car to go get your double operation now (double, one for the sex change, another to get that damned dildo out). (9) I-Wouldn't-Do-This-To-Rush-Limbaugh's-Dog Shock Treatment Now add a part about how you totaled the car by running over a few cops and that they will be over in the morning to arrest them, as your parents are still responsible for your actions. (10) More-Sadomasichistic-Than-Tori-Amos Shock Treatment The way to end this all is to then tell your parents that you caught AIDS from your English teacher, who was the guy who caught AIDS in the first place by porking a monkey. If that one doesn't get them, nothing will... P.S. Keep in mind none of these will work if you are a bad actor... P.P.S. If you have skeptical parents or parents unfamiliar with concepts herein, perhaps the foul language will kill them. Û Û [MiLK] Information Û Û Û Û [MiLK] Sites: Û Û Û Û Barney's Pleasure Palace...(708)965-3098 [14,400] Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û The Acropolis..............(708)557-2826 [14,400] Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û The Lunatic Phringe........(708)232-0565 [12 Nodes] Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û Û²²²²²²²²²²²Û File Number 30, "Easy Ways To Shock Your Parents" By Yohan Bawk ÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛÛ This file is Exactly 4456 bytes long