=== GOZER (issue #1)=== Welcome to the first issue of GOZER! This was written at Murmur's bachelor pad, while listening to 80's music and drinking bad citrus colas. ::CAST:: Ray Stanz = Editor in Chief Quarex = Poetry Chef Evo Shandor = Gums Dingy/Back-Up Vocals shadow tao = head lover, not a fighter, not a knocker out. parfoums d'amorphis = the stinky one! the stinky one! the stinky one! --- The Big Cat Who Bites Babies by Ray Stanz The big cat bites babies who come near it. One day a baby was sitting in its carriage sucking on its thumb and the big cat came flying by on a magic carpet and bit the baby's nose off. So the National Association of Mothers decided to form a brigade to kill the big cat. They called the local inventor who lived in a cottage at on the outskirts of town. "Hello, Mr. Witherspoon, would you like to build a machine that will help us kill (or possibly sedate) the big cat that keeps biting the noses off of our babies?" asked Mrs. Smith, a concerned mother. "Why, certainly! Building weapons is a hobby of mine. And I do despise of cats. In fact, I used to own a cat, but my dog Henry ate him," he replied. So Mr. Witherspoon got right to work building the machine to destroy the big cat who rode around town on a flying carpet. Meanwhile, the big cat was sitting in his large watchtower and spotted some unruly weather. He noticed that a tornado was approaching, so he hopped on his magic carpet and fled. Unfortunately the tornado destroyed the town (including Mr. Witherspoon's secret laboratory). The big cat went on to terrorize other small villages. --- This is.. Poetry Tap from Quarex, your friendly neighborhood Sansboro Fang-head POEM #1 An Ode to A Female Remote Control Is this thing on? POEM #2 Another ode to nothing in particular Join me, she said, And we joined the army Kill me, she said and we did away with her Thrill me, she said and so we danced the night away with the rest of the people who witnessed the supernatural events Destroy me, she said So we made another Grill side-project in our spare time Kiss me, she said It's that it keeps changing. Unfortunately Filth Pig proves that this is not always good. So I kissed her. And we hated each other, but that was okay, because. . LIKE Filth Pig, the more we did it, the more we liked it. --- Cold Fusion and other Factions of the Hollywood Love Pump an Essay about nothing and everything By Evo Shandor Somedays, apon waking, I sit in my filth covered bed, listening to Lite Rock 103 FM, rubbing my own sordid defication on my chest, eating bowls and bowls of Campbell's Manhattan Clam Chowder, which I always think will be the white kind before I make it, licking my scabs, which never really heal because I lick them so much, and I start to think. At first, I don't think about anything in particular. Mainly I think about colors and numbers, and how, if they were real, they probably would either marry each other or team up to destroy the letters. Then my thoughts turn to other things. Women. Women. They're different from men, as you may have noticed. They smell better, have higher voices, and vomit more. Other than that, they don't do much. So I then begin to think about killing women. Killing women is a major passtime in many scandanavian countries. That's why I think people should kill women more often. Theres a certain alluring quality to annihilating the opposite sex that I cannot explain, yet I feel profusely apon hovering over the rotting carcass of a female member of the human race. If we kill all the women, then the world will be a better place. Thank you, and goodnight. --- A poem Giggle By Evo Shandor On my computer... Which sits in my basement (1.2 gigs of nothing but crap) there is a game with the second worse 3d engine ever... (second only to Sphere of Destiny) And it sits there And I play it with 1.2 gigs of hard drive space that my family doesn't need And 16 megs of ram that I don't know what's good for and a 122 mgz pentium that is just as good as 100 and i play it (I can't find a pirated copy of hexen) I play rott and cry It is so bad It is all I have In all areas of my life family, friends, computer games Rise of the Triad is all I have My saved game is named "giggle" --^^ cryptic toggle of satan. tao v-gozer = travel numerant. "Whilst the monkey's flying ship, dances round my brain, little children hurting KOrn. through the fields of gold." -Ronald "Boom = pee" Reagan/Sting WHERE ARE YOU THINKING FROM? I LOVE INDENTATION, CUZ IT'S UMMY NUMMY GOOD. I AM THE ZINE HARDKORE. I AM YOUR OLDSKOOL. DIE, FOR I AM ANGST INCARNATE. AND I HAVE BAD SPELLING FOR COMFORT. baha. never mind that. cryptic little words, from a bound up little soul. --- parfoums d'amorphis presents no more jeers "hey fruity!" "what?" "you're full of dog poo!" "YOU LITTLE MUSHROOM MOTHER." "hey, boys, no more jeers." "you die next, miss schoolteacher sandanista@" "excuse me, i have rubbermaid!" "take that, fresca boy!" "up your miscellaneous refreshment hole, son." "oh. got me." --- parfoums d'amorphis presents well, nothing else, since that was so awful ---