poupey issue 15. april 9th, 1997 FUCKSHIT%!@#$!#@$ WHADDAORF FOROKS IS GOIDOFDHNA FUKAING HAPPWNR TO POUPEY@#%@!#$ FUCKCKK!@$#!@$ I NO WANT TO DIE!@$$@! NO WANT DIE!@ FUCKING ACID + BASE=DEATH!#@$!#@$ CSHHTIIRTIITI!#!#@$ ESHITO!#@$!$ FUCK!$#@!#$ BOOM!!!@! NOT KFDIXT DIE I WILL NOT DIE WANT NOT TO DIE!#@$ FUCK $#@!!@$@! DICK SHRINKING!@$!@$ BRAIN CSELLS VANISHING#Qr!$#@ here IS THE issue. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ nybar is going to die - sniff. Nybar's last day on earth, a portrait. (oohh... portrait.. classy) Nybar "FUCK!#$@!#$!@#$.... I NEED ANOTHER FIX@$@!!@$!@$!!" Nybar "FUCK MAN!@$!@$ a GANSTA'S LIFE AIN't!@$!@$ FUN!@$!$@" Nybar's Pusher "FUCK MAN!@# I GET YOU NEW FIX! YES! FIX NO! YES! I MEAN YES!" Nybar "Sheot nig... I meet you at abandoned warezhouse." Nybar's pusher "Shit girlfriend.. you think you can just strut into any pharmacy and buy this crap?~$!@$" Nybar "Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.... I'll try." Nybar's pusher "NO! I'LL LOWER THE PRICE DAMNIT!@$!@$" Nybar's pusher gets kneed in groin Nybar "Teehee... because man get knee in groin for big laugh during movies." Nybar "Shit... copycat. I'll narrate from now on." Nybar "Better... continue." Nybar "What do you say Louise?!@$!@$" Louise "JUMMMMPPP!@$!@$#!$" Nybar "Fuck that... crazy fucking bitch." LATER Jules "So tell me about these flintstone pill bars." Nybar "So what do you want to know?" Jules "Well... it's legal there, right?" Nybar "Yeah... it's legal.. but it ain't swear to potato legal. You can't just walk into a resteraunt, bring out the flintstone pills and start chompin' away. Yer only supposed to eat it in certain places... like on top of neighbors roofs.. and naked, in the street.. right?" Jules "Those are also nudie bars?" Nybar "I don't even know why they call them bars." Jules "ahhh..." Nybar "And you know what the funniest fucking thing about Europe is?" Jules "Yeah..?---" Nybar "It's the little differences.... they got a lotta the same shit as we got here... but there are little differences." Jules "Example." Nybar "Well.. you know what they call a quarter pounder wit cheese in Holland?" Jules "They don't call it a quarter pounder wit cheese?" Nybar "Nahh... they're fuckin pagans over there... they don't know what the fuck a quarter pounder is." Jules "So what do they call it?" Nybar "Roast baby with goat blood." Jules "Goddamn." Nybar "And this is related.... know what they put in the toilet instead of shit?" Jules "What?" Nybar "Vomit." -- Nybar and jules get out and go around to the trunk Nybar "We should have shotguns for this kind of deal." Jules "How many are there?" Nybar "2 or 3." Jules "Space aliens?" Nybar "All of em." Jules "Do they shoot lasers out of their eyes?" Nybar "Oh yeah!" Jules "How many eyes?" Nybar "Sheot... I dunno. 20 at least... and you bettah beleive they allllllll silk." Jules "Any additional obstacles?" Nybar "6 er 7 andy bodyguards." Jules "We gotta fuckin retire em all?@!$" Nybar "Yep" Jules "SHEOT MANNN!#!#@$!@$" Nybar "We should have fuckin shotguns." --- Nybar "Oh wait.. I have one." Nybar "Die nigger die." ------------------------------------------------------- SPECIAL INTERMISSION Jubjub tries to compare his penis size to that of doll... nybar punches him in groin. Jubjub "DAMNIT!@!!! --- Jubjub "Shit... the pain just kicked in" Nybar "Tee hee." --------------------------------------------------------- <"Stuck in the middle with shoe" plays. Nybar has mogel all tied up in a chair and is dancing around him to the tune of the music> Nybar "Boots to the left of me, high heels to the right... here I am... stuck in the middle with shoe.. yes I'm... stuck in the middle with shoe." Like a cobra... nybar LASHES OUT!! Mogel SCREEEEEAAMMMSSSS!!!@ Nybar, moving to the music---- Nybar CUTS OFF MOGELS EAR and HOLDS IT UP FOR HIM TO SEE!!! Mogel HOWLSSSSSS!@$!@#$!!@#$!#$ Nybar goes offscreen. Nybar comes back with a can of gasoline. Nybar "Yes I'm... stuck in the middle with shoe." Mr. Orange "ENOUGH!!" Nybar "Hehehehhehe--" Nybar "Cmon shoot me!" (in a mocking voice) Nybar "Go ahead shoot me!" Quentin Tarrintino jumps onscreen and says "What I was trying to say with this is that violence is everywhere... like even on cereal boxes!!!" Audience BOOS Nybar "Shit... if they don't like that... they'll hate my NYPD SHOE skit... it's the exact same thing!!" -------------------------------------- Yet another intermission. -- Nybar "Y'know... he was right...... those wheaties boxes are SUPER voilent!!" Nybar (in a very mocking tone) "Quit hitting yerself!!!!" --------------------------------------------------- Nybar "Ok... we're going to do this quickly... I'm nybar he's jubjub. Mr. Orange Mr. White Mr. Blue Mr. Blonde Mr. Brown." Cerkit "Shit man... I gotta glok! Why am I Mr.Pink?@!?!" Mercuri (mr.white) "Cause yer a fag." Cerkit "Hey shaddup whitey." --------------------------------------------------- Nybar lies in bed, suffering from withdrawl. A small child slowly crawls on the ceiling. it's head turns around like beetle juice! Nybar "Hi moe. Here to taunt me??" Baby (now known as Moe) "Nahhhh... just checking the paper-- WAHHH!@$!@$" Nybar "Eeeewwww... disgusting baby!!@$!@$" As nybar walks along the street, a midget cripple brushes him. He picks the midget cripple up and busts his head with a 2 by 4... BOYYYY!!! -------------------------------------------------- Nybar is in his 79' chevy with Mia. They pull up to Play Boy Bunny: Bim(bo)s Mia "So what is this place?" Nybar "It's Play Boy Bunny: Bims." Mia "I thought I asked for bambi." Nybar "This is better'n bambi." Mia "*TAKE ME TO FUCKING JACK RABBIT SLIMS*!@$!@$!$" Nybar "Shit... ok. I guess the man in the bar won't be able to take out his 13 inch pianist." Mia "It isn't that big!@$$@!!$" Nybar "Oh yeah? Wanna compare?!$#@" Mia "First... thats sick. Second, I'm a woman, so I would lose!@#" Nybar "I thought so... chickening out." Mia "This is ridiculous!@$!@$ Cut!@ RETAKE!@$" --- Nybar is in his 79' chevy with Mia. They pull up to Jack Rabbit Slims. Nybar "So what is this place?" Mia "It's Jack... Rabbit... Slims." Nybar "I CAN'T GO IN THERE.. THEY KNOW ME!!!" Crazy old guy "We'll get Salllll.." Mafia Lookin old dude "Sal.. GENIUS!" Mia "Cmon... don't be a " Nybar "THATS A RECTANGLE YA IDIOT!@$" Mia knees nybar in groin... even though they are both sitting down in chevy still. Nybar "Oof." Mia "Tee-hee." Nybar "So Whitney didn't even KNOW all those Hampsters were there?~$#@!@$" Mia "Of course she knew.. they were her test gerbils!" Nybar "Percy Gives better stuff the Whitney does.... makes no sense!@$@!$#" Mia "Tee hee.. wheet." Nybar "Percy does it sexier." Mia "Eew. Hmmm.. I wonder if fuzz is percie's king." Nybar "He's a gerbil." Mia "Gerbil... hampster... whats the difference?" Nybar "Ahhh..." Mia "Discooo." -------------------------------------------------- Jerry S. (the s. so you don't know who he is.. in a whiny voice) "So why do they call it cheese? It doesn't taste like cheese! It tastes like..... lightning .. they should call it lightning! Actually... it tastes like solid milk with a lightning flavor in there!! They should call it solid milk, with a lightning flavor in there!!" Nybar "You suck RAINERRRR!$E!$#@#@$" Jubjub "Come on... Mcbain or Magarnacle?" Nybar "They are both just characters played by the actor, Rainer Wolfecastle." Jubjub "Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Which one did you say?" Nybar "You are right!@$!@$" Old Fogey "Oh no... can nothing break this terrible silence?!@$" Other Old Fogey "Only the ARMPIT fart!!" Nybar (thinking) *oh no... the armpit fart!! I could do it when I was small... but.. buttttt...* Nybar "Ohhh yeah.. I remember how I did it!!" Wag "eewww... you remember how you DID it!" Nybar "Shaddup." Nybar "And.. I kind of like rainbows." Old fogey "Rainbows?!@$" Wag "QUEER!!" --0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0- Nybar "So we tied barney to the tree and peed on him and sicked dogs with bees in their mouthes and every time they barked they shoot bees at you at him and then we just plain killed him dead." Big fat comic store owner "Toodle-oo." Heffer "The END. Get it... the *END*!! No BUTTS about it! HEHEHEHEHEHE!@$!@$!@$ ---------- i'm a sex machine - by jubjub i'm a sex machine gene sex all night, sex all day i like it straight, i like it gay i make 'em scream, i make 'em cry in their face, in their eye standing up and sitting down with a pig, with a clown man, that was stupid. ---------- DAMN FUCKING CANNIBALS!@$ ---------- Mogel and the vegetarian squad sit at the banquet hall of the Vegetarian HQ, enjoying Dinner. Mogel "Ahhhhh... a fresh dinner of asparagus!! How healthy!@$ And the best part is, no cute critters were killed!! We can proudly call ourselves vegetarians!! We aren't rancid flesh eaters that as punishment deserve to be killed!! We're good guys!$@!@$ We don't even step on bugs!@$!@$" All "Aie... kill the meat eaters." Mogel SUDDENLY, A SMALL UFO LANDS ON THE BANQUET TABLE! Three asparagus people walk out. Asparagus person one "GOOD GOD!@$!@$" Asparagus person two "AIEEEE!@$!@$!@$ THEY WILL KILL US ALL@!$@!$" Asparagus leader "We come thousands of light years to spread snuggle snuggle joy joy warm blanket peace and love.... and we find.. CANNIBALS CANNIBALS CANNIBALS!@$!@#$ AIEEEEEEEEE!@#$!@#$!$#@ YOU SICKO'S$@!!@$!$ MY BABIES! MY BABIES! YOU ARE EATING MY BABIESSSSSSS!#@$!@$" Asparagus person one "And for the biggest insult.. you boiled them in URINE!@$!$@ GOAT URINE!@$!@$@$!@$!@$ Meat is all we eat on our planet! WE DRINK NO MEAT URINE!@$!@$" Asparagus Leader "You will not eat our NEVER SENTIENT!@$!@$# Meat crop that we brought as an offering of peace!" Asparagus person one "The meat crop will spoil! My aunt spent days shucking those hotdogs!$#!@$" Mogel "Man.. I feel really bad.." Asparagus Leader "FAG!@!@$!@$!@$" -- Meanwhile, nybar at the meat eaters convention eats hot dogs.. ARMOR hot dogs. SUDDENLY... THE WEINER PEOPLES SHIP LANDS!@!@$!@$ Weiner person one "Hello nybar, we are the weiner people." (in a squeaky voice) Weiner person leader "NYBAR! YOU RULE! CMON AND EAT US!!!" Nybar "OK!" ---------------------------------- The END of Nybar as we know him (her?)