Random Access Humor - The Electronic Humor Magazine Writer's Guidelines Random Access Humor (RAH) was originally formed within the deep psychoses from which the editor suffers. If it's going to last for long, the support of the online community (as well as the psychiatric community) will be needed. Many people out there seem to think that they're comedians. Here is their chance to prove it. There are two basic forms of submission being sought for publication in RAH: Articles, fillers and taglines. No, *three* basic forms of submission. Articles are humorous collections of words which should be somewhat related to the BBS/Online world, or at least personal computing. Articles should be between 200 and 2000 words in length. High quality longer articles may be accepted and published in serial form if necessary. Fillers are humorous tidbits less than 200 words long. These can be jokes or anecdotes. They must definitely be funny. Taglines should be self explanatory. You may submit a few at a time if you'd like. We only want funny taglines for publication here. Language and content: Harsh language is not allowed in RAH. This is a "PG" rated publication. Double entendres are allowed, provided they are witty and subtle. Childish, scatological humor is not welcome in RAH. We are looking for "mature" humor, but not adult humor. All submissions should be witty, but not abusive. Make fun of online institutions and personality types, not individual persons. For example, it's OK to make fun of Compu$erve, but not OK to make fun of Joe Smith, who hangs out on Compu$erve. Public figures, like politicians, are always fair game for humorists. Style: Since RAH is steeped in the online world, it follows that RAH should support the style of writing generally found in online messages. This does not include the semi-literate, mostly obscene trash found in conferences such as the FidoNet FLAME echo. It *does* include some of the basic online writing conventions. There is one in the previous sentence, did you see it? The asterisks around "*does*" in the previous sentence indicate that the word is being emphasized, but the writer IS NOT SHOUTING. Remember that the use of all caps in an online message indicates that the writer is shouting. Shouting is considered rude in the online world, just as in real life. Another important facet of online writing is the use of acronyms for common phrases, which tends to save bytes in writing that is being shipped around the country or world at someone's expense. Here is a brief list of a few common online writing acronyms: BTW By the way FYI For your information IMHO In my humble opinion OTOH On the other hand ROFL Rolling on floor, laughing TPTB The powers that be There are many more. Another online custom which needs mentioning is the practice of placing action statements in between "<>" signs, for example: , , . These action indicators can be used to good effect, and humor, so they are welcome here. Like everything, they are best used in moderation. One online custom which will not be welcome in the pages of RAH is the practice of including smiley faces { :-) } or variations on that theme. I use these myself in messages, but they have no place in the semi-serious writing being published in RAH. Remember, writing humor can be a very serious business. Besides, humorists are not supposed to laugh at their own jokes. Legalities: In writing jargon, RAH is deemed to be given "One Time Rights" to anything submitted for publication unless otherwise noted in the message accompanying the contribution. You still own the material, and RAH will make no use of the material other than publishing it electronically in the usual manner. The only exception is that your article may be selected for publication in a planned annual "Best of RAH" electronic book. RAH is copyrighted and each issue is registered with the U.S. Copyright Office. Rights revert to the author after publication. If you want your own copyright notice to appear in your article, place it as desired in the text you submit. Previously published articles may be submitted, but proper acknowledgement must be included: periodical name, date of previous publication. In some cases you must obtain the permission of the previous publisher before your work may be published in RAH. Simultaneous submissions are accepted. RAH can accept only the following types of material for publication: 1) Any material in the public domain. 2) Material for which you own the copyright. If you wrote it yourself, you are automatically the copyright holder. 3) Authorized agents for a copyright holder (typically an organization) may submit material on behalf of that holder. Payment: RAH is given away to the online public and accepts no advertising, so obviously we can offer no payment to writers. It should be noted that RAH is distributed throughout North America and Europe each month, and each issue may remain in the file libraries of boards for years. A few issues have even found their way to Australia. So RAH is an excellent vehicle for getting your writing known to the online reading public. Payment may be offered to writers in the future. In this event, writers who contributed to RAH in the early years will be given preferential treatment. It is currently planned to compensate authors whose original articles are selected for the "Best of RAH" Annual. Rates have not as yet been established. Authors whose work has appeared in RAH may also be invited to submit additional original material for the RAH Annual. How to Submit Material to RAH: Contributions to RAH are always welcome. All submissions must be made electronically. File attach your article to a netmail message to Dave Bealer at 1:261/1129. E-mail may also be sent via Internet to: dbealer@access.digex.net Users who do not have netmail or Internet access should ask their local RAH distribution sysop if he/she would be willing to send in your article for you. Tagline and filler submissions may be made via e-mail. Article submissions should be made via file. Submitted files must be plain ASCII text files in normal MS-DOS file format: artname.RAH; where artname is a descriptive file name and RAH is the mandatory extension. Your text should be less than 70 columns across for widest readability. If your article does not conform to these simple specs, it may get lost or trashed. Also note that such imaginative names as RAH.RAH might get overlaid by the blatherings of similarly minded contributors. If your hardware is incapable of producing file names in the proper format, you may send your article as one or more e-mail messages. You may manually upload your submission to the RAH Publication BBS: The Puffin's Nest BBS (410) 437-3463 1200-14400 bps (V.32bis) Make your upload in any area. All uploads go to a private area for perusal by the sysop before being posted for download. Make sure to indicate in the description that the file is a submission for RAH. The Puffin's Nest (TPN) contains many files pertaining to electronic publishing. TPN also carries the conferences of the Electronic Publishing Network (EPubNet). Limited Access on your first call. If you have absolutely no way of getting your submission to RAH via modem, you may make your submission via diskette. Your disk must be in MS-DOS format (5.25" or 3.5", high or low density) and the file(s) should consist of plain ASCII text, with no word processor control codes. Mail your diskette to: Random Access Humor P.O. Box 595 Pasadena, MD. 21122 USA The editors will attempt to respond personally to all submissions and correspondence received. As the volume of mail increases this may become impossible for *every* message. Mailed contributions that do not have an e-mail return address cannot be acknowledged at all unless accompanied by an SASE. Make sure to include a valid e-mail return address with all submissions. All submissions should be accepted or rejected within 30 days. If you do not receive a reply within that time, resend your contribution. Mail does get lost on BBS systems. The editors reserve the right to publish or not to publish any submission as/when they see fit. The editors also reserve the right to "edit", or modify any submission prior to publication. This last right will rarely be used, typically only to correct spelling or grammar misteaks that are not funny. Dave Bealer, Editor Random Access Humor Pasadena, Maryland, USA May 30, 1993