======================================== The REAL truth about coffee and caffeine ======================================== Email: (swain@enigma.rider.edu) WARNING: I'm not a doctor. WARNING #2: I was wasted on Hawaiian Kona when I wrote this. WARNING #3: Take the following with a grain of salt (or a cup of coffee). This, coming from someone that drinks three pots a day, I feel I have the right to appear authoritative. The idea here is to dispel any paranoia that coffee drinkers experience and discuss physically related health problems attributed to the reality of coffee drinking....(?) Q: Does caffeine fuck you up? A: Yes, but mostly psychologically. If you drink too much caffeine you'll really start freaking out. Of course you know this. You don't need to worry too much about it unless you find yourself getting out of control. The two obvious physical things caffeine does to you is: 1) Reduces blood circulation 2) Ruins your appetite. The circulation thing tends to really be prominent when its cold. Especially if you have bad circulation in the first place. But don't worry about it, ok? Ruining of your appetite is not necessarily a bad thing, unless you never eat. We all know how hard it is to be hungry when you're wired out of your mind. Plus psychologically you don't want to eat cause it'll kill the buzz prematurely. Its your call, but of course you'll get fucked up if you never eat. I recommend eating first, waiting an hour or so, and start slamming that awesome java beverage. Acid: Strong coffee is loaded with it, I mean LOADED. But according to a report: if you drink coffee at about 98 degrees instead of (sometimes) 140 degrees it significantly reduces the acid factor. Don't ask me why. The acid is really the worst part cause it gives you gastro-intestinal problems and sometimes makes you short of breath. People that put cream or milk in their coffee (which is an insult in its own right) may not have as many problems with the acid because of the process of coating the stomach. Milk also naturally kills some of the acids. I recommend dealing with the pain though. Q: I'm a HARDCORE caffeine abuser. I drink a ton of strong black coffee and I love it but it makes me crazy and worry alot. What can I do? A: Well, I'm not going to say cut down on coffee, because that goes against my morals. This should help your psyche: 1) A healthy person couldn't possibly die from drinking a lot of coffee (ie: 20 cups a day). But who WANTS to drink that much anyway? 2) Occasional heart palpitations are nothing to worry about (unless you have existing heart problems. Consult a doctor) 3) Just like not a single death has been directly attributed to LSD usage, not a single person has gone legally insane simply from abuse of coffee and caffeine. Q: What are the legitimate dangers of caffeine? A: Good question (!). People with heart murmurs, palpitations, and general arhythmia should be careful. I don't think you could actually have a heart attack, but the caffeine will definitely increase your problems. I have a rare condition called a PAT where my brain sends improper electrical signals to my heart which on rare occasion makes my heart skip beats and sometimes increase its speed to 200bpm (thats a really fast jazz tune). However, its not fatal and can be stopped quite easily. I still slam coffee with the best of them. Apparently the acid in coffee can eventually rot away your stomach lining. But just as too much milk and milk products can form calcium deposits, its really not something I worry about. There are always prices to pay when over-indulging. However, if you do worry, then don't drink so much damn coffee! In theory even if you're a pretty sane and well-grounded person, you could drink enough coffee and caffeine beverages that you could really burn yourself out. I've noticed that my whole personality changed when I discovered coffee. Now i'm pretty frayed but I also work twice as much and am more directed. The transition might be a little too hard to handle and you might find yourself completely incapable. I've known a few caffeine burnouts that have absoulutely no excitement emotion left. But they weren't too smart either. Other random (and WAY scattered) thoughts... -------------------------------------------- Alot of the problem with mass consumption of caffeine is the paranoia you experience. I'd say that if you were crazy-high on coffee and someone was out to kill you that about 90% of the paranoia came from the caffeine. When you find yourself slipping, have a SOBER friend slap some reality back into you. The worst thing about caffeine is the coming-down phase. The way I eliminate this phase is to DRINK MORE! If you can't take it, then remember its all a psychosis. So you say you want to quit drinking coffee? Well go talk to someone else about that you traitor. Talking shit: This affliction is especially prominent when you're crazy-wasted on your favorite beverage. If you find yourself doing it (and you don't like it) then all I can say is either try to stop or deal with it. Great advice, huh? Rambling endlessly about ten million things at once: My OLD friends used to hate it when I did this. I resolved this situation by finding REAL friends. A good friend is a friend that drinks coffee with you. I recommend trying to capture your craziness whether its on tape or on paper or on disk. I also recommend sending me your product. Keeping focused: When wasted on aforementioned beverage, sometimes its hard to even stop and tie your shoes. After several years of caffeine training, you should be able to direct your anxiety. Its not an overnight job by any means. Bad habits: Bad habits are accentuated by lots of coffee. Nosepicking, nail biting, and thumb sucking especially. If your bad habit is, oh, cutting yourself with a razor blade then I recommend limiting your coffee intake. Shit coffee: Also known as "major debris". Shit coffee would be Maxwell House, Yuban, Sanka (oh shit!), Taster's Choice, and all that other store bought crap. All that crap coffee is the dried-up remnants of the good stuff. This "debris" always tastes like shit and increases your chances of problems. The only debris that I will drink is Chock Full O' Nuts, but only if there's no other choice. I know the gourmet coffee is expensive, but its worth it. Decaffeinated Coffee: I'm not even going to get into the politics of decaf. "Decaf" and "coffee" are two completely different entities. Play it safe: If you have any sort of problems, whatever the symptoms may be, go to a doctor already! There's only so much you can blame on coffee, and you might have some other non-related condition. Coffee with cigarettes: What can I say? The best combination in the world. It also makes it harder to tell which one messes you up more. I believe that they contribute equally to the cause. Just so you know, nicotine also decreases blood circulation and appetite. Statistics: ----------- 1) I drank approximately five cups of coffee while writing this. 2) It took me an hour to write this. 3) I only freaked out once. 4) My hands got pretty cold. 5) I went downstairs to get another cup and I forgot what I wanted. 6) I pondered how many contradictions I wrote in this article but I was too lazy to correct them. --END--